Archive for August, 2009

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What Do You See?

Monday, August 31st, 2009

El Morro

A few weeks ago my husband Michael and I had the opportunity to vacation in Puerto Rico (we won a free trip—how cool is that?).

While we were there I purchased a new pair of sunglasses to block the ever present sun. I debated between several styles, but the saleswoman persuaded me to go with the pair with the extra anti-glare coating.

She encouraged me to step outside with these glasses on so I could see the various shades of the Puerto Rican ocean. The water looked like a beautiful swirl of blues and greens when I had these glasses on. But when I took them off the water returned to its normal blue.

Cool trick, I thought to myself as I walked through the resort moving my glasses up and down so I could watch the water change before my eyes. By the time we ventured into San Juan to tour the El Morro fort (pictured) a few days later, I was bored with the trick but happy with my new sunglasses.

There was so much history to see at El Morro that I was snapping pictures as fast as my digital camera would let me. On this camera there is no view finder. You can only see your subject on the digital screen. As I was trying to snap photos of one of the oldest lighthouses on U.S. soil I noticed my screen was just black.

“Great,” I muttered. “This is a brand new camera and I managed to break it on our first trip with it.” I turned to Michael and informed him that the quality of our photos might be questionable since I couldn’t see what I was actually shooting. He took the camera, turned it back on and pointed it toward me. He gave me a puzzled look.

“This camera works fine,” he said and handed it back. I turned and pointed it toward a cannon. Again the screen was black.

“No it’s not,” I said defensively.

“I can see the cannon,” he said exasperated. I froze. Then I slowly pulled down my sunglasses. I could see the cannon too. Holding the camera in the bright sunlight created a glare on the screen and my new anti-glare sunglasses effectively blocked out the glare—and the picture. When I realized this I started laughing. For the rest of they day, anytime I took a photo I had to take my sunglasses off.

I’ve now come to realize that wearing my new sunglasses alters my perspective of things around me. We all have moments like that in life. For instance, if you have a dad who has done nothing but disappoint you then you may have a hard time trusting God.

Or, if you have a boyfriend who says he loves you, you might be willing to compromise your purity for the sake of that “love”. Some of us don’t have such dramatic stories, but we have our own set of influences that shape our perspective.

Sometimes we wear our own set of blockers that prevent us from seeing the reality of what’s right in front of us. The consequences can be far worse than a crooked picture.

What circumstances from your past have colored the way you see the present? Have you noticed a pattern of blocking out the truth of a situation and only seeing what you want to see? How has your worldview been shaped by your life? What are some of the dangers of not being able to see things as they really are?       

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Posted in God, Life Lessons | 10 Comments »

Fan Mail Friday: Witnessing & How I Got Engaged

Friday, August 28th, 2009

Here’s the August Fan Mail Friday post! I want to note two observations:

1. I don’t really have a lisp. The cheap  software that came with my camera adds that popping sound in during editing. It’s not in the raw footage and for the life of me I can’t figure out how to get rid of it.

2. I realized I accidentally edited out the second part of the answer to Dani’s question. Michael and I were engaged for nine and a half months before getting married.

Enjoy! And if you have a question you would like to see me answer in a vlog post you can send it to fanmailfriday AT beingagirlbooks.com (replace AT with @)!

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Posted in Dating, Fanmail Friday, Life Lessons, Q&A | 14 Comments »

Book Review: The Shape of Mercy

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

mercyWhile at the She Speaks conference a few weeks ago, I was given a copy of Susan Meissner’s The Shape of Mercy for joining  the new She Reads book club.

I had heard great things about the book and wanted to read it for quite some time, so I was thrilled to be given my very own copy. It was literally difficult for me to put this book down.

College sophomore, Lauren Durough lives a privileged life and comes from a wealthy Southern California family. She doesn’t need a job, but desires to prove to her success-driven father that she is more than a trust fund diva. When a lavender slip of paper with a hand written job ad on it catches her eye in the English department, this story is set in motion.

Abigail Boyles, an 83-year-old retired librarian and wealthy heiress herself, is seeking an assistant to transcribe the 300-year-old diary of one of her ancestors who was wrongly accused and convicted in the Salem witch trials. Something about Lauren strikes Abigail right away and Lauren is offered the job.

As Lauren begins transcribing the story of Mercy Hayworth she begins to questions her own prejudices and selfishness, and she becomes haunted by thoughts of this young woman who was robbed on the fullness of life.

Oddly, Lauren’s complicated relationships with her roommate Clarissa and good looking guy named Raul begin to intertwine with events unfolding in Mercy’s story. All of this happens under the watchful eye of Abigail who knows more than she lets on, and is holding secrets no one suspects.   

A perfect blend of historical and contemporary fiction, The Shape of Mercy challenges readers to identify their own prejudices, snap judgments and relational weaknesses. It speaks loudly to the power of selfless love, even among conflicted hearts in less than ideal circumstances.

The Shape of Mercy is a Christian book, although it doesn’t preach. Instead, it intertwines the lives of three women from different generations as each of them seeks to find out who she is, who she is willing to love, what’s important to her and what type of legacy she wants to leave behind. Whether you prefer historical or contemporary fiction, this book will appeal to you.

I found myself thinking through the themes of this book long after I put it down. I’m a better person for knowing Lauren, Abigail and Mercy even though our time together was brief.

 I give this book 5 stars. You can purchase it here.

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Posted in Book Reviews, Fear, Friendship, God, Life Lessons | 8 Comments »

Book Review: My Hands Came Away Red

Monday, August 24th, 2009

handsred

This summer I’ve had the opportunity to read a lot of books. Some were captivating, others were just OK. One or two left me longing to recapture the time I wasted reading them. Two were intense page turners I couldn’t wait to dive into every night. Today and Wednesday I’m going to review those two books for you, and on Friday I will have this month’s Fan Mail Friday vlog.

If you have a question you would like me to answer, send it to me at fanmailfriday AT beingagirlbooks.com (replace AT with @, this is just my humble attempt to keep the spammers away). I can’t wait to see what you come up with!

One of my favorite reads this summer was My Hands Came Away Red by Lisa McKay. This book follows an adventurous teenage girl named Cori as she spends her summer training in mission trip boot camp and building a church in the outermost parts of Indonesia.

The first few pages give an honest impression of Cori as your typical teen who is heading on this trip to clear her mind and work through how she really feels about her non-Christian boyfriend Scott. At missions boot camp she meets Kyle, a rugged new Christian with an in-your-face attitude and handsome good looks. Immediately she becomes conflicted over her feelings for the two.

Cori instantly bonds with Elissa and Drew, the two girls she shares a tent with, and off the team of six teens goes to the jungle. Although the manual labor required for the trip seems like more than she can bear, Cori truly begins to enjoy her work and the relationships she’s building.

With only hours left in their trip, things go terribly awry and a religious war breaks out between Muslims and Christians, the church Cori and her friends built is burned to the ground and the pastor and his wife are murdered right before their eyes.

Without their team leader, Cori and her five new friends are forced into the jungles of Indonesia to hide in order to survive. The bulk of the book follows the group through the long and dangerous weeks on their own as they battle wild boars, Muslim militants, the effects of malaria and the doubts threatening to rob them of their faith.

The thing that really struck me about this book was the authenticity of its characters. I’ve been involved with teen missions for years, and I love that Lisa McKay accurately captured the different motives these characters had in choosing to go to Indonesia and the inner war many of them had with their faith as they fought their way through an unfamiliar and deadly jungle. Is God still good when you have an innocent pastor’s blood staining your t-shirt?

This is not a novel exclusively for teens. Instead it’s a book for all Christians who sometimes don’t have the ideal motives for doing ministry, have questions that challenge their faith when life doesn’t go as planned and who have seen how quickly a shared experience can create a lifelong bond between a group of believers. Whether you’ve ever ventured to the mission field, or you are just considering doing it one day, My Hands Came Away Red is a must read.

I give this book 5 stars. You can buy it here.

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Posted in Book Reviews, God, Missions | 1 Comment »

The 50% Factor

Friday, August 21st, 2009

fiftypercentThe other night I was reading my Bible and I came across something that really struck me in Numbers 13.

Here’s the setup. The children of Israel have been wandering in the dessert for quite some time now. They’ve seen the parting of the Red Sea, they’ve experienced manna (and even quail) from heaven and they’ve weathered the embarrassment that was the golden calf.

These people have seen God do great things for them, and they’ve witnessed the fiery anger that comes when they don’t take God at His word. And in Numbers 13:2 God speaks to Moses saying: “Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the children of Israel…” (Emphasis mine).

So, Moses sends one man from each of the twelve tribes as God commanded. These men spend forty days scoping out the land of Canaan (otherwise known as the Promised Land), and they come back with a report.

In Numbers 13:27 the spies hold up large ripe fruit and say, “We went to the land where you sent us. It truly flows with milk and honey, and this is its fruit.” Translation: “What God said about this place is true.”

But in verses 28-31 they follow that statement up with: “Nevertheless the people who dwell in the land are strong…we are not able to go up against the people, for they are stronger than we.” Translation: “But God was wrong about promising us this land. He can’t give it to us, it’s inhabited by giants.”

Thus, the people ended up with 50% faith. Their train of thought went something like this: “What God said about this land is true. But what He said about it being ours was wrong. Therefore God was only 50% right.”

And God got angry. Why did He get angry? The answer is found in Numbers 14:21 partway through His speech to Moses. “…but truly as I live, all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the LORD,” God said.

The people’s 50% faith angered God because it robbed Him of His glory. You see, it’s impossible to believe that God is who He says He is while simultaneously believing that God cannot (or will not) do what He says He is going to do. That type of paradox of belief strips God of His glory and dumbs Him down to being nothing more than a dreamer or an idealist or even worse—a liar.

Faith honors God, and God honors faith. But 50% faith will never do.

What percentage of faith would you say you have? Are you able to take God at His word or do you tend to be a doubter? If you doubt, why do you think you do? Do you think it’s possible to believe in God without believing God? Why or Why not?

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Posted in Fear, God, Life Lessons | 6 Comments »

What Do You Do With What Threatens You?

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

workoutA few years ago, my friend Sarah Bragg released a fabulous book entitled Body, Beauty, Boys: The Truth About Girls and How We See Ourselves.

As I was rummaging around in my garage a few weeks ago, I discovered three giveaway copies that I never gave out. So, today is your lucky day.

Three people who comment on today’s post will be chosen by a random number generator and will receive a free copy of Sarah’s awesome book. You must comment no later than midnight on Saturday, August 22nd to be entered in the contest.

In Body. Beauty. Boys. Sarah said something that really stuck out to me: “Make a habit of celebrating publicly what threatens you privately.”  Wise words we could all do good to live by. In my interactions with Sarah I have seen this practice to be true in her life. Her authenticity is part of what makes the statement so profound.

What about you? If you are anything like me, I am sure the last thing you want to do when something someone else does threatens you is go out and celebrate it. But why is that? What is so hard about celebrating other people and their success?

Because of things as simple as getting an “A” on a test or getting asked to the prom, people turn on us. And we turn on them. We act as if someone else’s good news is our bad news even if their good news really doesn’t affect us much at all.

We don’t just want to be our best. We want to be the best. And if someone else is at his or her best, it doesn’t matter if we are at our best too. Their best threatens our best and we freak out.

You might be reading this thinking that you can relate more to being the one who gets turned on rather than the one who turns on others. But I would venture to say that all of us have spent a fair amount of time on both sides of the equation.

So this week do something to change that. Celebrate publicly what threatens you privately. And don’t be fake about it. That cancels out the whole thing. If your friend scores higher on a test than you do, then genuinely congratulate her—even if she is being a brat and gloating about the whole thing.

Other people’s actions and reactions are not our responsibility, but we are accountable for ourselves. So even when others choose to do you wrong, take it in stride and respond by doing what is right.

And remember, someone else’s success is not a personal attack on you. It’s simply his or her way of living life the way it was meant to be lived—at his or her best. So instead of getting emotional about it, raise the bar in your life and go out there and live life at your best too.  

What threatens you privately? How do you normally handle the things that threaten you? What can you do this week to publicly celebrate the success of someone else?

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Posted in Dating, Friendship, Life Lessons | 20 Comments »

Instant Manicures & The Art of Patience

Monday, August 17th, 2009

SpaHave you ever noticed that we live in a society that promotes instant gratification? I mean, come on, standing in line for five minutes at Starbucks is about as painful as it gets for some people.

Awhile ago,  I read an article in a popular women’s magazine about the new “instant manicure.” Apparently for a mere eight dollars you can now purchase “Sixteen super-thin, chip-resistant strips of pre-melted and pre-dried nail polish and top coat.” Simply take a strip place it on your nail up against your cuticle and smooth it down. Bend it over the edge of your nail, and then tear off the excess and there you go—instant manicure! No dry time, not wait and most importantly no smudges.

I don’t know about you, but I find it extremely disturbing that we live in a society that provides alternatives for those of us who cannot seem to find the time to paint our own nails.

Last time I checked patience was still part of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22. But I don’t know if most of us could be patient if we tried. When was the last time you had to wait for something you really wanted?

And more importantly, when was the last time you had to wait for something you really needed? Chances are, at least here in America, there has always been a meal handy when you needed it. Clothing hasn’t been in any short supply. And depending on where you live, the roof over your head could be costing your parents close to half a million dollars.

Since your life experiences may not be teaching you much about the virtue of patience, do yourself a favor and look for ways you can teach yourself a little patience this week. Purposely choose the longer line when you go to the store—and don’t complain about it. Hang on to your cash a little longer instead of purchasing that new CD you really want to buy, but will probably only listen to once or twice. Or better yet, take that money and give it away to someone who really needs it. Wear what’s in your closet instead of rushing out to buy into yet another latest and greatest trend.

And most importantly, spend a little time practicing patience by waiting on God. Grab a notebook, a pen and your Bible and go some place quiet and just listen. Don’t bring any music. Turn your cell phone off. And wait and see what God just might tell you when you finally make the time to listen. Practice the art of patience this week.   

What are some ways you can practice the art of patience this week? What are the pros and cons of living in a society where you can have almost anything  you want in an instant? Do you ever find your soul growing restless if you have to wait for something?

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Posted in Life Lessons | 7 Comments »

She Speaks Lesson #3: Meeting God

Friday, August 14th, 2009

womaninprayerMy absolute favorite thing about the She Speaks conference was how God met me there. Since each of our relationships with God is such a personal thing, I’m not sure if anyone else will ever be able to fully understand how God met me in North Carolina.

But He did—over and over again. While at the conference I was exposed to some excellent teaching that will yield much professional and spiritual growth for me as I seek to apply it. But the thing that took my breath away wasn’t the teaching. It was the prayer room.

Proverbs 31 Ministries, the organization that puts the She Speaks conference on, is composed of some of the godliest women out there. When someone signs up for the conference they begin praying for her by name immediately. In the week leading up to the conference each woman’s name is printed on a strip of paper and once the staff gets to the hotel they take those strips of paper into the prayer room.

Throughout the prayer room the names of God, and verses explaining each name, are laid out on large sheets of paper. The names of the women are prayed over and then spread out across the names of God. Their prayer is that each woman’s name would be divinely placed on the name of God that best correlates with what she needs Him to be in this season of her life. Some of the stories women were telling about where their name was placed gave me chill bumps.

After a particularly moving time in worship on Saturday night I decided I was ready to meet with God in the prayer room. I recently finished Beth Moore’s Stepping Up Bible study and she taught us the discipline of praying on our faces. So, I ventured into the prayer room because I wanted to get facedown before the God of the universe.

But before I got on my face, I walked around looking for my name. When I saw it I began frantically looking around for a pen. I needed to capture every word and Scripture reference from that piece of paper because the prayers of the Proverbs 31 team had been answered. My name was placed just where it needed to be.

There in that prayer room God confirmed some things that He had been speaking to my heart all weekend. Things that only He and I knew. I. was. undone. And I was able to get on my face before Him in honest surrender and fully submit myself to whatever He had next.

This post isn’t long enough to explain the background information that makes my name being placed on that particular name of God so significant. And, in all honesty, right now it’s still something I would like to keep private between God and me. The story will come in time. Those of you who read this blog regularly will probably be among the first to see it. But, right now what name of God I most associate with isn’t important. The more pertinent question is which of His names most speaks to you.

When was the last time you studied the names of God? Pull out your Bible right now and use your concordance to help you locate some of His names that you may have forgotten about or might not even be aware of. During this season of life, what name of God best represents what you need Him to be for you?

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Posted in God, Life Lessons, Prayer | 7 Comments »

She Speaks Lesson #2: Positive Affirmation

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

groupThe most terrifying thing I did at the She Speaks conference was sign up to be part of a speaker evaluation group. First of all, I’m an introvert and going and speaking at events is scary enough. But purposely putting myself in a situation where I would be evaluated on my abilities as a speaker took a lot of faith for me. When I first met the fabulous Karen Ehman, my evaluation group leader, I was put at ease. She was friendly and warm and she openly described herself by saying, “I’m a Paula not a Simon.”

I spent two sessions with the women in this group. On Friday night we each shared a three-minute portion of our faith journeys and on Saturday afternoon we each had five minutes to teach from a passage of Scripture. For the last six years I’ve been speaking in 30, 45 and 60 minute increments so condensing my talks into those bite sized nuggets was more difficult than I initially thought. But it was so much fun to see the diversity in the room. We’re all trained, professional, speakers from a variety of backgrounds and reaching distinctly difference audiences.

Our group consisted of a Canadian radio DJ, several women’s group speakers, a woman whose current passion is digging wells in Africa, a musician and a college biology professor who wants to start preaching. Since we were all evaluating each other, and being evaluated by Karen, I wasn’t sure what type of environment to expect. Would there be a spirit of competition in the room? Or would it be a positive and safe place to come for constructive feedback?

The level of encouragement in that room truly amazed me. Each of us was there so we could become better for the kingdom of God, so we gave honest feedback but we all managed to do it in a gentle and loving way. I had no idea that the fact I move around when I talk could be perceived as pacing in smaller settings. These women pointed that out to me. Another woman used visual aids that seemed to distract from her message, and we were able to let her know.

I really appreciated the honesty and sweet spirit of the women in this group. Many of them said things to me like, “Your calling is evident.” A few asked how they could order my books or have me come speak at their church. There was no element of competition among us. We all recognized that with each of us ministering in our own unique way more people would be reached with the love of Christ.

By the end of the conference I realized that the thing that scared me most about going to She Speaks turned out to be one of my favorite parts of the weekend.

Have you ever found yourself in an environment where you were positively affirmed in God’s calling on your life? Why do you think it’s easier to respond to constructive yet gentle feedback than it is outright criticism? How can a spirit of unity in your area of ministry greatly impact the kingdom of God?

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Posted in Friendship, Life Lessons, Spiritual Gifts | 3 Comments »

She Speaks Lesson #1: Unexpected Friends

Monday, August 10th, 2009

Cracker BarrelMy heart was so full last week that it was hard to process all God was doing. But I think I’m finally ready to share a little bit about my time at the She Speaks conference in North Carolina two weeks ago.

As I gorged myself on delicacies like friend okra and chicken and dumplings—with a tall glass of sweet tea—God reminded me that sometimes the best friends pop into our lives in unlikely ways. Annie picked me up at the airport, and like any good Southern girl drove me straight to Cracker Barrel so I could finally eat at one. The story of how I met Annie is unique. Several years ago she was freelancing for the now defunct Radiant magazine and she called me to conduct an interview about the Being a Girl…series.

During the course of the interview we realized we had a lot in common, and since Annie was an aspiring writer she asked if we could keep in touch. Of course, I said yes. Emails turned into phone calls, and then phone calls turned into visits. Annie’s been to my house in California twice and she played hostess to me when I first got to North Carolina. She’s a fulltime writer with an awesome agent now, and a blog you definitely have to check out. Although I don’t get to see her that often, I’m grateful to have Annie as a friend because she understands the craziness of a writers’ life and she’s always there to pep talk me when I need it or to pass on valuable info—she’s the one who told me about the She Speaks conference in the first place.

Sarah and ShannonAnother friend who came into my life in an unlikely way is Sarah. I first met Sarah through her writing. She was one of my students in the Christian Writers Guild program. Instantly I was mesmerized by Sarah and her way with words. During the three years I worked with the CWG I only got to meet three of my students in person, and Sarah is the only one I’ve met twice.

I first met Sarah last year when she and one of my other students, Hannah, drove a few hours out of their way to connect with me at a speaking event I had in their native state of Ohio. It was a short visit—but I loved connecting with the two of them and their moms. When Sarah entered a writing contest to win a scholarship to the She Speaks conference I held my breath and prayed. I knew she was an incredibly gifted writer and I was really hoping she would win—and she did!

So, on Thursday night Sarah and her mom met me at the hotel and we went to dinner. It was so great to sit and talk with Sarah about what she could expect at the conference, and where she planned to go with her writing. I connected with her again numerous times throughout the conference and was able to watch her in action as she interacted with other authors and got some really valuable advice. Sarah will be a novelist someday. I have no doubts about that.

A writer’s life can seem lonely on most days. I have an office in my house and some days the only person I see is my husband. I can work an entire day in my pajamas doing what I love. So, it was really refreshing for me to start my time in North Carolina among friends whom I love dearly. Overall, being at She Speaks made me feel like I really wasn’t that far from home.

What about you? Has God brought unexpected friends into your life? What’s the craziest way you met someone who turned out to be a great friend? What’s your favorite thing to do with a friend you don’t get to see that often? Take some time and stop and thank God for the unexpected friends He has brought into your life.  

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Posted in Friendship, Teaching, Writing | 7 Comments »

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