Archive for November, 2009

Gobble, Gobble and the Family Drama

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

I know I’ve linked up to some of my articles from She Seeks before, but I’m not sure if I mentioned that I’ve officially been invited to be part of the She Seeks team. It’s a huge honor and I’m thrilled to be working with all of these great women.

Every six weeks or so I’ll write a new post for them, and in the meantime I get to do video check-ins on other people’s posts.

This week the fabulous Sarah Martin wrote about surviving family drama at the holidays (who can’t relate to that?!) and today I’m checking in via video to talk about it. So pop on over and wish me a Happy Turkey Day over there.

Read Sarah’s post here. Then watch me talk about my own family drama.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rushing Thanksgiving to Get to Christmas

Friday, November 20th, 2009

thanksgivingOne of my pet peeves is listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Personally, I think life is much too hurried as it is. And the fact that society tends to skip over a holiday set aside for being thankful, grateful and content and rushes right into a holiday that’s consumed with getting more and spending more says a lot about our culture.

But really, rushing Thanksgiving to get to Christmas isn’t something that happens just once a year. For many of us it’s a lifestyle. When we find ourselves discontent with our circumstances we do whatever we can to fast forward ourselves right out of them. We want to skip right over things like waiting, disappointment and setbacks. Since they are typically associated with an element of pain, we tend to rush through anything that may cause wisdom, maturity or growth to sprout up in our lives.

No, we are people who prefer flashy packages with shiny ribbons and bows. Instant fixes and quickly wrapped up trials are our desire. Dealing with hardship or stopping to be thankful for what we do have in the midst of all we don’t doesn’t appeal to us. Don’t bother us unless we are going to get exactly what we want how we want it.

Yep, sounds to me like we constantly skip Thanksgiving to get to Christmas all year round. So what do we do about that?

We pause. Thanksgiving is now less that one week away, and I challenge you to spend every day of this next week thinking not of things you want, not of things you have to do, not of how you can change your circumstances, but of how you can be thankful. Right now. For everything you do have instead of focusing on the things you don’t.

If you have a boyfriend, fiancé, or husband, be thankful for him—flaws and all. If you’re spending this Thanksgiving single, be grateful that you have people who love you that you can spend the day with. If your bank account isn’t empty, thank God for His provision even if you aren’t sitting in the lap of luxury. And, if you don’t have two nickels to rub together in this season of life, thank God that you have a roof over your head and a warm meal to eat (even if it is from Taco Bell).

I’m in a current season of life where I’m very tempted to “rush Thanksgiving to get to Christmas” so to speak. So this isn’t an easy blog post for me. I’d rather be writing from the other side of a trial and a different set of circumstances. But I’m not.

So, I’ll start us off. In honor of pausing and giving thanks I want to publicly proclaim that I am thankful for every person who reads my blog. You still give me a voice when I’m caught in the waiting process that is part of book publishing. Thank you for reading—and double thanks to those of you who comment.

What about you? What are you thankful for today?

Lessons from Hot Chocolate

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

girlwithtea

The other morning I went to make hot chocolate. Not the homemade kind. I gave up on that a few years ago when I accidentally confused condensed milk and evaporated milk and wound up with a concoction that tasted like burnt chalk. On my recent attempt, I used instant hot chocolate from a box.

In times past I’ve frowned on the from-a-box variety because it tastes too watered down and not chocolaty enough. Turns out, my mugs are on the large side and I should have measured the amount of water I used per packet of hot chocolate mix. Since I usually just eyeballed it I typically ended up with brown water.

This time I measured and the result were perfect: warm, foamy chocolaty goodness. The water-to-powder ratio was everything. That got me thinking about some other ratios I encounter, namely my God-to-life ratio.

Have you ever hurried your way through life only stopping here and there to offer up a one sentence prayer or spend a quick five minutes aimlessly paging your way through your Bible hoping to “hear from the Lord”?

If your life is anything like mine you are just plain busy, always cramming 15 things into a slot on your schedule that was really only made to hold five. Because of that you tend to skip or rush your quiet times, and squeeze God in whenever you can find five extra minutes—which is, like, almost never.

Then you wake up one morning realizing that your life is a mess—just like the brown water I’ve made on previous attempts at hot chocolate. Somewhere along the line you stopped measuring. Your life-to-God ratio is off. Without even thinking about it, your days have been crammed full of too much life and not enough God.

And when things go wrong, like they most certainly will, and freshly manicured nails break, rent checks bounce, boyfriends end relationships and friends begin ignoring you and not returning your calls you find yourself wanting to throw your hands up in the air and scream, What is going on here?

It’s in moments like this that I can picture God peeling back the floor of heaven and looking down on His irate and inconvenienced child and saying, “It’s about time you showed up. I’ve been sitting here waiting for days.”

With the holidays quickly approaching it seems like the pressure to get things done has tripled in my life. I’m sure your life is similar. There’s always more to do—finals, papers, projects. And more fun to be had—parties, family gatherings, and holiday traditions. And the temptation is stronger than ever to leave your Bible unopened and your prayers unsaid.

Before you do that, think of your life-to-God ratio. It’s the times when life is at its busiest that you need to spend the most time with God. Otherwise, you’ll soon find yourself with nothing but a lukewarm mug full of brown water.

Nobody wants to drink that.

“I rise before dawn and cry for help; I wait for Your words.”

–Psalm 119:47

She Seeks: What if I Don’t Believe Anymore?

Monday, November 16th, 2009

SadnessI stood next to the others with my head bowed low. No, I wasn’t praying. I was refusing to look up at the people worshiping with their hands lifted high. A few had tears streaming down their faces. Their gratitude was immeasurable, their adoration sincere.

Me? I was angry at God for not coming through in my darkest hour. I was questioning His authority in light of the desperate circumstances surrounding my life. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if there even was a God on the other side of my prayers.

This season of doubt came not before I was a Christian, but after I had walked with God for years and had even been serving in vocational ministry.

I sobbed into the carpet in the privacy of my bedroom. I beat my fist against tables demanding answers. In a way, I did whatever I could to provoke a response from the silent God. I was convinced I was the only one left in the relationship He and I used to have…

(To read the rest of this post click on over to She Seeks where I’m the featured writer for the week.)

A Season of Rest

Friday, November 13th, 2009

girloncouch

Technically it’s fall. But don’t tell that to the extreme heat here in Southern California. Where I live we’re still dressing like it’s summer.

That might sound nice to you, but I have some boots and scarves I’ve been dying to wear and I can’t really do that right now unless I want to pass out from heat stroke in public. No thanks.

Since I live in a locale where it’s eternally summer I’m used to a calendar that doesn’t include four seasons. So, instead I classify life by two seasons: busy and busier. Earlier this year I had somewhat of a meltdown from the pace of my life.

Both Michael and I had been running too hard and too fast for too long. Somewhere along the way we stopped living and began substituting by simply going through the motions. It wasn’t pretty.

A few months ago Michael and I sat down and examined our calendar. We determined that part of the reason we both felt so crazy and out of control most of the time was that our weekends were just as packed as our workweek. So, we made a commitment to each other. For the month of November we weren’t putting anything besides church on our weekend calendar (outside of a family event we have over Thanksgiving).

We’ve stuck to the commitment. It thrills my heart to stare at the empty Saturday and Sunday boxes on my wall calendar. But what thrilled me even more was the relaxed pace of last Saturday. Michael did homework for ten hours (he’s in school fulltime and works fulltime), but we sat side by side on our couch reading. There was no rushing. No frantic feelings. No stress. No feeling out of sorts.

That night we closed our books and turned on the Yankee game and got hotdogs from our favorite place around the corner. It was an ideal Saturday in so many ways.

The irony that it transpired during a month where more was being demanded of us on Monday through Friday than normal wasn’t lost on me. We had carved out time for rest and we were reaping its rewards. Sure there was still homework to do, dishes to be cleaned and even a ballgame to be watched. But by protecting our time by allowing for the things that needed to be done and saying no to everything else, Michael and I were able to enjoy the weekend.

We went to church on Sunday feeling rested and refreshed. When our friend Andy made a comment about how busy life is for us in this season we laughed and shrugged. We didn’t feel that busy.

All because we took time to slow down and rest.

Faith It Until You Feel It

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Enjoying the sun

“Faith it until you feel it.”

Now, before you quickly shut your browser or click away from my blog because you think I’m selling a useless brand of Christian fluff let me explain why that statement by my pastor is actually full of sound biblical advice.

He used that statement in the context of worship. He was preaching out of Psalm 100 and he was exploring the exorbitant display of worship that the psalmist was calling all of us to.

I don’t know about you, but things like shouting for joy, possessing gladness, singing joyful songs and offering prayers of thanksgiving can be difficult for me when life gets hard, my way grows dark and God doesn’t do what I want Him too. It’s much easier to shuffle into church, put my head down and mumble my way through the songs.

Or, if my heart has been really sliced and diced recently I might not even sing at all. During some seasons it’s all I can do to get to church and sitting in broken silence is the best I can offer.

That’s not the correct response to being in the presence of the one true God. When we examine who God really is (the creator of the universe) and what He has done for us (forgiven us of our sins even though we keep sinning, and provided salvation to us) the correct response is a hands raised, voices elevated worship fest.

But we are a fickle people and when we don’t feel like worshipping excessively we don’t. We reserve those moments of overflowing adoration for times when our senses are heightened and our emotions are overwhelmed.

Psalm 100 isn’t a suggestion for how to worship on our best days. It’s a command to worship God fully every day. That’s where the aforementioned controversial statement comes in.

Faith it until you feel it.

That means you worship the Lord for who the Bible says He is even when your circumstances cloud your perspective and He doesn’t seem like He’s coming through for you. When healing is withheld from a loved one, you can worship Him as the healer even though you don’t feel like He is.

If money is tight and you are worried about paying your next bill you can still praise Him for being your provider because that’s what the Bible says He is. You can raise your hands to God Almighty even when you are facing the biggest defeat of your life because that’s the name the Bible gives Him.

Ephesians 2:8 says we are saved by grace through faith not by grace through feelings. So when you are broken and your life is hard you may need to apply the “faith it until you feel it” mentality to your worship. Praise God for who He is and not just who you perceive Him to be in that moment.

Your tragedy, your trial, will not last forever. One day there will be a breakthrough. Then you will feel joy again. Worshiping with hands raised and your voice lifted up will come naturally. But until then, worship God lavishly through faith.

Not because you feel like it. But because it’s what He deserves.

Mod Style Lounge: The Hot New Place to Be!

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Portrait Of A Group Of Teenage GirlsMeet Sarah, Kaley and Eden. Together they comprise the writing team at Mod Style Lounge, a hot new website about fashion and modesty written by teen girls for teen girls.

Just like you they’ve grown frustrated with women who climb up on soapboxes and make it seem like style is a sin. Appalled by the idea that fashion has to be forfeited for modesty, these girls banned together to create a place where fashion can be filtered through the lens of modesty but you can still come out looking trendy and like you went shopping somewhere other than your grandma’s closet.

“We want other girls to know they can dress attractively and stylish while still being modest,” Kaley, and eighteen year old senior, says.

“When most people think of dressing modestly they think of long loose dresses and wearing head coverings,” adds Sarah, also an eighteen year old senior, “that kind of modesty isn’t for everyone and definitely isn’t for us! At Mod Style Lounge we take the latest trends and create modest fashion so you can be trendy and respect yourself and others too.”

Eden, a sixteen year old junior, agrees. “Modesty has such a horrible reputation as being boring and void of color and uniqueness. We want to help girls realize you can look fantastic without looking racy.”

In their own search for guidance on how to be modest the girls noticed that there were far more resources promoting a risqué approach to fashion. Almost everything they found on modesty came from a mother figure that just didn’t seem to get where they were coming from.

“Most of the blogs were for adult women written by adult women,” Sarah said. “Being a highschooler myself, I know we teenage girls need guidance in finding cute, modern and modest fashion.”

“Our blog is more relatable,” Eden adds, “because it’s teen girls writing for teen girls. We’re all on the same level without the semi-authoritative adult mentality.”

The girls also understand the pressure to fit in that comes from friends and classmates.

“It’s hard to stand strong in your belief to not wear booty-shorts when in the summertime almost everyone is wearing them,” Kaley adds.

In addition to highlighting fun new fashions, the girls also offer practical tips on making sure you are dressing modestly.

Eden regularly writes about how to maintain a unique and funky style while making sure jeans and shirts aren’t too tight or too low. Sarah incorporates Scripture like 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 to help provide a mental check of whether or not readers are treating their bodies like the temple of the Holy Spirit. And Kaley offers dressing room tips like trying all of your clothes on to make sure they fit properly before buying.

The girls also use videos and pictures to demonstrate that the girls and women we see in magazines aren’t real, they’re airbrushed.

“I think a lot of girls see women in magazines with perfect skin and perfect bodies wearing skimpy clothes and getting lots of attention. They want to look like that but it’s not reality,” Sarah says. “The real woman behind that looks just like you and me. The woman in the magazine is fixed and edited. Confidence is a real issue. It’s so hard for a girl to believe she is truly beautiful and doesn’t have to get attention by dressing that way.”

Eden chimes in. “Modesty shows the respect a girl has for herself, for her guy friends and for those she may meet in her day. It also represents the respect she has for her Heavenly Father and the body He gave her.”

When it comes to modesty and fashion these girls get it. If you are a teenage girl, their blog is a must read. A new post from one of the girls appears every week. If that’s not often enough, all three of them also write for the Proverbs 31 Ministries Rad Revolution blog, and Sarah also writes for Real Teen Faith. In addition to that, all three of them maintain their own personal blogs (click on their names in the first sentence of this post to find them).

Straight from a Guy: Ask Michael

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Michaeledited

A few months ago I was speaking at an event when a girl and her mother both approached me separately to let me know how much they appreciated that I brought Michael with me that weekend.

They liked that girls could peer through the window of my life and see a “godly model of marriage”. For that reason, and because I don’t like to be apart from him unless I absolutely have to, Michael travels with me about 90-95% of the time when I speak. Occasionally I travel with him on business too.  

 Recently I’ve received a handful of emails from those of you who have never met Michael but would like to ask him a few questions—you know, to get a guy’s take on some things. There are benefits to being married to a guy with five sisters, one of them being that teenage girls and their questions do not scare him.

So, you asked, and now you are getting what you wanted. From now until November 20th I will be collecting any questions you may have for Michael. You can ask him about figuring out guys, understanding the Bible, what things first attracted him to me, etc…Almost anything really.

Once I’ve received all of the questions I will interview him and write a post (or a series of posts depending on how many questions we get) with his answers. If I can twist his arm, and he sees that you guys really are interested in hearing from him, the November Fan Mail Friday video may even be an interview with him featuring some of the most popular questions.

So, if you have a question (or a few questions) for Michael, don’t delay. Send an email to fanmailfriday AT beingagirlbooks.com (replace AT with @–you know the routine). Remember the deadline to submit a question is November 20th.

Or, if you prefer, you can also leave your question in the comments section below.

Please remember to include your first name and your state (or country if you are outside of the U.S.) when you submit your questions.

Wordless Wednesday: Go Yankees!

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

MPSign2

Lessons from a Smudged Pedicure

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

SpaOn Friday I treated myself to a pedicure. It had been a long, busy and productive week and I wanted to relax my way into the weekend.

I climbed up on the spa chair with one of the best novels I’ve read this year and exhaled slowly. If I had it my way I was going to thoroughly enjoy the next hour. And I did.

Jennifer, the lady working on my toes, is an artist. My feet were their very own fall wonderland when she was through. I was welcoming in November with a rich gold accented by purple rhinestones. Four other women who worked in the salon walked over and admired my feet before I left.

They jabbered on in a language I didn’t understand and kept smiling and saying things to me like, “Very pretty.” “So nice.” Although it felt funny to have people admiring my feet, I had to admit the results made me want to wear sandals even in the cold weather. Careful not to mess them up, I shuffled out of the nail salon in flip flops and went on my way.  

Three hours later my feet were freezing. I was in my kitchen making a pumpkin pie cake and the cold stone floor was making my bare toes numb. So, I quickly stepped into my new slippers to make them nice and toasty, thinking nothing of it.

About an hour later when Michael and I were lounging on the couch enjoying the cake, I kicked my slippers off and discovered my toes were now smudged. Not all of them, just the two big ones. You know. The ones people actually see.

My heart flip-flopped in disappointment. Not even 24 hours into my new toes they were ruined. Major bummer. I hadn’t even showed them off yet. You would think three hours is more than enough time for toenail polish to dry. Apparently it wasn’t.  

As I sat on the couch lamenting the works of art that my feet used to be, I began to think about timing. God’s timing. Sometimes I think He’s had more than enough time to work on my circumstances and in my life. Yet He hasn’t moved, and I’m tempted to rush in and take matters into my own hands.

Thinking I can’t possibly mess things up, I tend to make a disaster out of something that would have become beautiful if I would have kept my hands off and let God work.

Trying to rush God so I can have my way, find relief from pain, or skip over a difficult lesson, always results in a mess. Like a smudged pedicure, the results aren’t pretty and I don’t want to show off what I’ve done. In fact, when this happens sometimes I even want to hide from Him in shame and embarrassment. After all, He’s the only One who actually knows what might have been.   

Whenever we try and rush God we are taking something that could turn into a real work of art and thwarting its beauty. Are you trying to rush God in an area of your life? Is there something you are trying to hurry through?

If so, do yourself a favor. Don’t smudge your toenails. There is a better option.

Isaiah 40:31 says:

         Yet those who wait for the LORD
         Will gain new strength;
         They will mount up with wings like eagles,
         They will run and not get tired,
         They will walk and not become weary.

Instead of rushing, wait for the LORD to do His work in your life. If you do, He promises all the strength you will need to make it through. Otherwise you’re on your own and that’s a scary place to be.