Archive for January, 2010

While You Wait for Your Future Husband

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

Blog Post Wedding

Tomorrow my husband is in a wedding for one of his best buddies. Today we’re headed off to the rehearsal and a weekend full of celebrating with an awesome and godly couple. As I was shopping for a gift, getting my husband fitted for his tux and figuring out what I was going to wear, I thought about those of you who write to me all the time dreaming of your own weddings—and more importantly, your future husbands.

So, in honor of this wedding weekend I want to offer you some practical advice while you wait for your future husband. These words first appeared in my book The Divine Dance (which I wrote when I was still single):

God’s will is not always immediately discernable. You will probably meet and interact with several guys before you find “the one.” Mr. Right doesn’t usually come into your life accompanied by soft music and a cherub with a bow and arrow. So do yourself a favor as you wait for his arrival.

Make a list. Not a complicated list, but a specific one. Write down five or ten absolutely nonnegotiable characteristics that your future husband must have. Then write down five things that are absolutely nonnegotiable that your future husband cannot have. Prayerfully consider the items you write down, and then pray those things for your husband whenever you think of him. Each time some guy waltzes into your life, pull out your list and see how he measures up. 

Be honest with yourself, and you will save yourself a lot of heartache. Try to make your list one full of character traits. . Remember, what he wins you with he will have to keep you with and looks change over time. Add things like, “Must be able to make me laugh” and “Must not have violent bouts with anger.”  Make sure that any guy you date will hold you to an even higher level of purity than you would want to pursue for yourself…

Whether you are tangoing today or waiting for tomorrow, keep this in mind: God desires what’s best for you. He wants to give you a relationship that will model His love for you in earthly form. He did not spare His Son Jesus the first time around; I don’t think He’ll short you this time, either. 

A good dancer knows that in any performance, no move is as powerful as the pause. So if you feel like you are in between woman and child, single and in love, then practice patience and become a godly woman as you learn the art of the divine pause. 

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Posted in Dating, Prayer | 5 Comments »

The Benefits of a Book Club

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

librarygirl

Tonight a diverse group of women will gather in my living room for appetizers and some serious discussion. It’s not a Bible study group, it’s my book club. Every other month I gather with a group of women—Christians and non-Christians—and discuss books. Or, more accurately, the book we have all recently read.

We started meeting last year around this time as the result of the many conversations I had with my hairstylist, Liz, and my friend, Erica, about what we were currently reading. Our group covered several classics, a few biographies and one contemporary novel last year.  

During that time I’ve found myself challenged, encouraged and even surprised by the things I’ve learned and how much I’ve enjoyed some of the books I would have never picked up on my own. There is something about reading books that puts people on common ground and opens up conversations about world view, life experience and sometimes even the gospel.

Everyone who has been to our book club has invited someone else to come with her the next time. Being in a book club is contagious. And it’s a great way to connect with someone who might not come to church with you, but will happily come to book club.

Now, I know that those of you who are in high school in college already have more reading than you can possibly do. And for many of you, being out one more night a month (or every other month) isn’t really an option.

So, that’s why I wanted to let you know about a new division of Proverbs 31 Ministries called She Reads. It’s an online book club that gives you several books to pick from each season and allows you to participate in online discussions with others who are currently reading along with you.

One book each season is only four books a year (that’s doable, right?). And She Reads purposely picks books that are well written and promote great discussions among Christians and non-Christians. So, if there’s a friend you’re trying to open a dialogue with about Christianity, joining the She Reads book club might be a great way to start that conversation.

Think about it. And, if you have any books you’d recommend for my book club leave your suggestions in the comments section below. We’re always looking for something new to add to our list.

Happy Reading.

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Posted in Book Reviews, Shannon Recommends | 2 Comments »

My Peru Experience

Monday, January 18th, 2010

Girl in Peru

The bus dropped us off about a quarter mile from the village we were visiting. One of the girls with me had to go to the bathroom and when I inquired about the nearest one our translator pointed to a small wooden shack that was barely wide enough for one person. The girl opted to hold it.

As we made our way down the dusty road my brain was working overtime trying to process the sights around me. Children slowly began peaking through the doorways of their tin shacks. A young boy ran up to us and eagerly pointed at my husband’s baseball cap and in broken English started yelling, “Yankees! Yankees!” The boys in Peru could only dream of an opportunity to ever enter an American baseball stadium.

Once that boy broke the ice we were quickly swarmed by children from all over the village. Boys and girls of all ages grabbed onto our group and excitedly tugged on our arms and our backpacks. The smaller children touched our while skin in curiosity. When they smiled I could see browning and rotted teeth. I could see lice in the hair of some of them.

Our team set up camp in the center of the village and began doing laundry, washing hair, passing out food and teaching adults about basic hygiene like brushing their teeth. The day passed quickly as the children enjoyed small luxuries like the soccer ball we brought them. Their parents sat mesmerized as our team performed a drama and talked about Jesus.

At one point during the day, as I was walking through the village trying to take it all in, a little girl came up to me and latched onto my hand. Startled, I looked down and she smiled up at me as if she had known me all her life. She started chattering away in Spanish and although I couldn’t understand the majority of what she was saying I smiled and nodded and she walked me around and pointed out various places of interest in her village.

The poverty I was exposed to that day overwhelmed me. All day I found myself searching for a private place to sit down and cry but I was so dirty my tears would have quickly turned to mud.

When I was heading back to the bus that afternoon a woman and her teenage daughter came running after me. When I stopped and turned to them they began speaking to me in rapid Spanish. I quickly flagged down one of our translators to interpret for me.

“This woman is asking if you can give her daughter something to remember you by,” she said. “This is the biggest day of her daughter’s life. Nobody may ever come back here and she wants her daughter to remember you.”

A lump grew in my throat as I fought back tears and frantically thought about anything I could possibly give this girl. My backpack had already been emptied hours ago. Suddenly I remembered the sunglasses on my face. I squinted as I slipped them off and handed them to her. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

As soon as I got on the bus and made my way to my seat the tears I’d been holding back finally slipped out. Someone behind me said, “I can’t believe you gave her your sunglasses.” All I could think was, I wish I’d given her more.

My trip to Lima, Peru with BRIO Magazine in 2006 was a life changing experience for both the Peruvian people we encountered and the 500+ teenagers we took with us. The trip lasted only two weeks, but its impact is still lingering today.

This summer, Susie Shellenberger and her team (now SUSIE Mag) will be partnering with one of my absolute favorite organizations ever—Compassion International—and taking a team of teenage girls into some of the poorest parts of Guatemala to do ministry there.

If you have a heartfelt desire to change the world you can find out more about how you can join Susie this summer by visiting the trip website. You can also learn more about other ministries that are making a radical difference by checking out this link on my website.

You may not be able to change the entire world. But you can change the world for one person. Start asking God how He would have you change someone else’s life today.

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Posted in Compassion, Missions, My Life | 1 Comment »

The Blessing of Good Girlfriends

Friday, January 15th, 2010

New Year'sI laid in my bed that night, almost one year into college, and sobbed my eyes out. Because my roommate, Rachel, was sleeping only a few feet away I had to keep things quiet so she wouldn’t wake up and ask me what was wrong.

The truth was I didn’t know how to explain it. Tears spilled in silent rivers down my cheeks for most of that night.  

For the majority of the school year I felt lost and aimless. Floating from group to group I hadn’t established any deep relationships. I felt alone and isolated and scared.

On this particular night I was almost certain that I was in the wrong place. Maybe Biola University wasn’t where God wanted me. Things sure hadn’t panned out like I planned.  

In desperation, I did the only thing I knew how to do. I said a prayer. That night I asked the Lord to give me a reason to stay at Biola if that was where He wanted me. Otherwise, I would begin exploring other options for the following Fall. The very next day my phone rang and I was offered a part-time job as a secretary in the Student Missionary Union on campus.

Weeks earlier I had applied for the position, but since it was one of the most coveted jobs on campus I knew my chances were slim. When the call came I knew God was answering my prayer. But I still didn’t know just what was coming.

Later that week, I attended an orientation for new staff members and enjoyed meeting some of the other girls I would be sharing my position with. Jessi and Heidi were both different from me, and didn’t have a lot in common with each other, but they seemed fun just the same. We made plans to grab coffee on campus to get to know each other better.

What started as a one-time thing grew into a weekly Saturday night meeting at Starbucks that lasted an entire year. Jessi and Heidi and I went on trips together, did Bible studies together, constantly left encouraging notes for each other, and built into each other’s lives in a truly unique way.

Jessi moved away and got married at the end of our first year as friends, but the emails, the occasional weekend getaways and the friendship remained. When I got married in 2005 both she and Heidi were in my wedding.

This New Year’s Jessi and her husband flew down to spend a few days with Michael and me. And Heidi drove down with her serious boyfriend so we could all meet him. As I sat and laughed with these friends over old memories and recent happenings we were filling each other in on, I realized that these two girls have always been a symbol of God’s faithfulness to me.

They were the reason God gave me for staying at Biola when I was ready to leave because I was lonely. They were the people who stood by my side and supported me when I made the most important commitment of my life. And nine years after I met them, though life had taken us all down different paths, they were the people sitting beside me as I rang in a new year full of unknowns.

Lately I’ve been flooded with emails from girls who feel just as lonely as I did on the night I cried myself to sleep in my dorm room. Many of you write to me to tell me you don’t have many friends, and you don’t have any real friends at all. My heart breaks when I read your emails because I have been there before.

I encourage you to ask God to bring you a friend in 2010 that will still be your friend when we ring in 2020. And don’t limit Him in His answer. Don’t look for someone who is just like you. Instead, be open to finding a friend who can teach you things about yourself that you might not know. Look for friends who will point you toward God and His Word when life brings questions that are hard to answer. Ask God for a friend who will very much be “Jesus with skin on” for you in this season of life.

In the comments section today let’s talk about unexpected friends or great life-lessons we’ve learned from some of the people God has placed in our lives. I want to hear your friendship stories. So give a shout out to some of your BFFs and then let them know what you wrote about them so they can be encouraged!

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Posted in Friendship, My Life | 6 Comments »

No More Goal Setting

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

daydreaming

The beginning of the year is a prime time for goal setting. I’m sure you have a short list of resolutions like most people do. Normally, in January, I have several post-its peppered with all of the things I want to accomplish in the New Year stuck all around my desk. But this year I decided to give up on goal setting.

Yep. You read that right. No more goal setting for me. Ever. Now, before you suggest I meet with a pastor, counselor or life coach let me explain myself. A few weeks ago my husband came home from work with a new perspective that I quickly adopted too. His boss said something I found profound:

“I don’t believe in goals, I believe in commitments. If I set a goal and I don’t reach it I blame it on circumstances. But if I make a commitment to myself that I am going to do something then I do whatever it takes to make it happen.”

Hmmm. Holding to a philosophy like that really forces you to differentiate between dreams and plans. For instance, in high school I dreamed of being senior class president. Since it involved forces out of my control I couldn’t actually make that dream come true—so calling it a goal was really misnaming it.

However, I could plan to implement the best campaign strategy I knew how and see what happened from there. That was something I could commit to. Do you see the difference? Choosing to make commitments in place of setting goals requires you to be an active participant in changing your circumstances.  

A philosophy like this also makes you break long-term goals down into bite-sized commitments that are achievable. I’ve always dreamed of running a half-marathon, but the problem is I’m not a runner—or at least not a consistent (or fast) one. So instead of leaving that aspiration dangling on my list of things I’ve always wanted to do but will probably never attempt, I decided to commit to myself (and my husband and my dad) that I will run a 10K in 2010. That’s half way to a half-marathon.

So I’m currently training on a 5K schedule and will switch to the 10K schedule when I feel ready. When I feel like quitting I simply have to remind myself that I committed to do this—and my word is on the line.

Making commitments and keeping them will teach you a lot about yourself. Four- plus years ago when Michael and I got married he decided he wanted to go back to school and complete his degree. It wasn’t a goal. It was a commitment. And we also committed to doing it without going into debt.

Consistently for the last four years I’ve watched my husband sacrifice golf outings with his buddies, time with me and even incredible work and ministry opportunities so he could study and continue keeping the commitment he made to complete his degree.

Staying true to our commitment to put him through school without debt has also taken the same type of tenacity and determination. That story also merits its own post on the sometimes miraculous ways God provided, but there were times when we had to forfeit new clothes, a vacation, Starbucks, movie tickets, eating out and other such luxuries so we could stick to our commitment.

At the end of this month I will write the final tuition check. On April 14th Michael will hand in his very last paper. And on May 28th he will cross the stage with the other graduates. On that day we will know he did more than just complete his degree—he will have kept his word and honored a commitment. He will have finished what he said he would do.

Few things compete with the thrill of finishing what you set out to do—especially if unforeseen obstacles popped up along the way and threatened to derail you.

Now, I’ll be honest with you. I am publicly stating on my blog that I commit to run a 10K in 2010 because I need a reason to keep going when I’m out there training and I want to quit. You are now that reason. I’ve given you my word and I’ve made a commitment, and barring any type of medical setback, I intend to keep it—even when I wish I didn’t have to.

What about you. What will you commit to do this year?

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Posted in Life Lessons, My Running Journey | 8 Comments »

She Seeks: Keep the Change

Monday, January 11th, 2010

moneygirl

Growing up, I was a words person. Numbers didn’t really exist in my world. At the age of sixteen when I got my first job, and my first bank account, I managed to bounce a few checks as the result of living in a numberless world. When I went off to college I stopped bouncing checks, but I still didn’t balance or reconcile my checkbook. I simply remembered to look at my bank statement online before making major purchases. Sound familiar?

By the time I was in my mid-twenties, my dad had done an excellent job at drilling the dangers of debt into my head. I didn’t have a credit card until I was out of college, and even then I carried a zero balance. So I entered adult life debt free, and intended to stay that way. However, I didn’t have a game plan for doing so. With meager savings, a modest income, no budget and expensive taste I was quickly headed for trouble…

To read the rest of this story visit the She Seeks website. Derek, a 25-year-old-finanical coach, will also be available all week to field YOUR questions about money.

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Posted in My Life, Shannon Recommends, She Seeks | 3 Comments »

Why Bra Colors Don’t Belong on Facebook

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Young studentsI’m sure you’d be shocked if I told you I saw a teenage girl walking through a crowded mall wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a brightly colored bra.

The words immodest and scandalous probably come to mind at that thought. Yet that’s exactly the type of thing that happened on Facebook yesterday.

In an online phenomenon that took TMI (Too Much Information) to another level, girls and women all over Facebook were proudly proclaiming their bra colors for everyone in their social networks to read. This was supposedly a ploy to “raise breast cancer awareness” but the problem was there wasn’t a link to breast cancer information and there wasn’t any money raised for its prevention. All people saw was a bunch of bra colors popping up all over their homepages. The words “breast cancer” weren’t even mentioned.   

Now, because the majority of my online friends happen to be teenage girls I saw the entire rainbow represented 20 times over. But I also saw something else that I found interesting: the responses from several men and teenage boys who also happen to be my Facebook friends.

Some guys thought it was funny to put a color in their status updates even though they obviously don’t wear bras. Others publicly announced that they would be taking time off from Facebook until the craze was over. All of them, without using these exact words, admitted that the trend wasn’t causing them to think about breast cancer but was instead causing them to think about a bunch of girls and women in their bras.

I’m assuming that the majority of girls I know who participated didn’t even stop to think about the effect this seemingly fun trend would have on the guys in their lives. But guys are visual creatures who have a hard time controlling their thoughts as it is.

Telling a guy your bra color is an open invitation to have him start lusting after you and thinking of you in your bra or even completely naked. Even if a guy is going to fight the thought instead of giving into it, you are single-handedly responsible for creating this inner war within him.

Would you pose in your bra and underwear for a magazine spread? Then you shouldn’t volunteer to put that same image into the minds of every guy in your social network. Trust me, if you posted you bra color on Facebook that’s exactly what you did.

As Christians, 1 Corinthians 3:16 tells us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. So let’s act like it and conduct ourselves in modest and honorable ways.

If you made a mistake and posted your bra color for the entire world to see, ask God to forgive you for leading guys to lust and consider posting a public apology in your status update. Then, let it go. Move on from it resolved to make a better choice next time.

And if you want to make a difference in the fight against breast cancer while you are at it, then stop by The Susan G. Komen website and make a donation that will actually do something to help. Because the truth is, the women sitting in chemotherapy right now really could care less about your bra color.

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Posted in Facebook, Modesty | 38 Comments »

When Life is a Battle

Thursday, January 7th, 2010

battlesLife is messy. I don’t think many of us need a reminder of that, but over the past few weeks as I’ve read through emails from some of my readers I’ve gotten just that.

From all over the world girls write to me to ask for help with things like suicidal thoughts, sexual assault, parents’ divorces, sexual temptation and sin, peer pressure, depression, friend issues and trying to find God in the midst of it all.

Over the years I’ve heard from critics who claim that ministry to teen girls is all about fashion and lip gloss and not things that really matter. To those people I’ve always said that some of the most broken, hurting, people I know are teenage girls.

The pressures that the average teenage girl faces on a day to day basis are astounding. Your tears are real and so is your pain. I understand that. Life is a battle. And some days it feels like it amounts to nothing more than a bloody mess.

In December I began a verse by verse study of the book of Joshua in my quiet time. Every day I seem to uncover some new nugget of truth buried inside the pages of a book fraught with battles and blood, impossible odds and recovered dreams.

The glory of God shines brightly on these battle scarred pages and just this week I found myself thinking about what that teaches those of us who wake up and face our own battles every day. Here’s what I discovered:

Total victory is something that’s achieved battle after battle. Life is a war with multiple battles. For Joshua, victory was found daily as he fought his daily battles. God made him victorious as He promised, but He made Joshua victorious in the midst of the fight. It wasn’t a resting victory. Joshua was triumphant as he wielded his sword as God directed not as he sat comfortably at his camp and twiddled his thumbs.

What makes the book of Joshua exciting? The battle scenes. The action. The victories that God alone could give. Is modern life any different? No.

It’s always in the midst of our battles that are hearts are most thrilled with our God.

It’s in our moments of weariness and exhaustion, when defeat is knocking on our door and we feel we have no choice but to answer, that God is seen at His full height.

We cannot see God for who He really is when we are cowardly. No. God is seen in all His glory when we are courageous in battle, yet in the heat of the moment we see that courage alone is not enough. God alone is enough.

Your battles are a training ground for righteousness. God can use them in your life to sharpen and shape you for a future you cannot yet see. Your current battle will not be your downfall. Instead it will be your greatest victory if you choose to turn your eyes to the One who once wiped out Joshua’s enemies with a hail storm in the middle of a sunny day (Joshua 10:11-14).

I will return to my regular blogging schedule on Monday, January 11th. Until them, keep fighting and keep your eyes on the One who is fighting for you.

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Posted in Tough Stuff | 4 Comments »