Archive for February, 2010

How Babysitting Can Make You Rich (Part 2)

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

babysittingIf you missed Tuesday’s post, click here and read it first.

One thing my grandma said I should do was save money. When I was a teenager that concept never appealed to me. There was always so much stuff I wanted.

But my grandma constantly hounded me, “Save ten percent of everything you make.” If you give God ten percent, why not give yourself ten percent as well? You might be thinking if I give God ten percent, I give myself ninety percent.

But people who spend all of their money have no money, and therefore are never rich. Proverbs 21:20 tells us, “The wise have wealth and luxury, but fools spend whatever they get.” Get rid of the mentality that every dime you make is a dime to spend and you will potentially have more money than any of your peers.  

Most wealth comes from saving. Let’s say you make fifty dollars babysitting in one weekend. You would give God five dollars (ten percent) and have forty five remaining. If you take ten percent of forty-five and set it aside some place special (maybe a parent can keep it somewhere safe for you) then you have forty dollars and fifty cents that you can spend.

That’s still a lot of money to use however you want, but you are also putting money away for something else—maybe it will be used to pay for part of your college education, or for something like a new i-Pod. If you babysat for fifty dollars three more times, your savings would increase to eighteen dollars fairly quickly. With diligence you could have a large sum of money.

These days, I save ninety percent of my income. My husband, Michael, and I live off of his income and the only money that comes out of my paychecks is the money we give to God. Right now we’re saving for a house. Sometimes we save for vacations or fun purchases. But no matter what we’re saving for, saving has become a habit for us.

The last thing my grandma taught me about money is to spend it wisely. Often, we want to rush out and spend it right away without paying any attention to sales or coupons. We want new makeup, so we buy the first makeup we see without looking for different colors elsewhere or comparing prices with other brands. Doing this causes us to get less for our money.

Yesterday I went shopping for some new clothes with a coupon in hand. Knowing I only had a certain amount to spend I made my choices carefully. When the salesgirl rung my items up the total came to the exact amount I had to spend—until she applied my coupon. Then I had enough money left over to buy a pair of shoes. Had I not used my coupon I would have only been able to get the clothes.

What if your favorite store doesn’t have coupons? Shop around. Compare prices. The same pair of shoes may be cheaper at one store than they are at another. Wait until the jeans you want go on sale. Every store has a sale sometime. You just may have to be patient. Never part with your money without asking, “Can I do this for less somewhere else?”

I realize that the money you make is limited and infrequent. But implementing the steps you’ve read about will help you develop good money management skills for when you get your first job, and throughout the rest of your life.

You can never be too grateful for what God has given you, you can never save too much and you can never be too careful when you shop. Even if it will take you a long time to become a millionaire it’s not too early to start living like one. So give, save and spend well!   

(This article first appeared in BRIO magazine.)

How Babysitting Can Make You Rich (Part 1)

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

moneygirl

Growing up I was very close to my grandparents. So it was no surprise to me when my grandma wanted to give me some advice when I started making some extra babysitting money. Unfortunately, at eleven years old, I assumed she didn’t know what she was talking about. So I didn’t listen.

Had I taken her advice, the small amounts of money I picked up here are there could have easily become hundreds of dollars in my bank account by the time I left for college.

My grandma freely gave financial advice to my cousins and me. But she also kept a secret that might have made us listen: she and my grandpa were millionaires. We never knew this because they never lived like we thought millionaires lived. Instead, my grandma drove the same care for twenty-four years (no flashy Beamers for her) and lived in a typical track home (not a mansion with a butler or a maid). But by applying the three principles you will read about below, they turned their average income into true wealth.

Deuteronomy 8:18 says, “Always remember that it is the Lord your God who gives you power to become rich.” And Psalm 24:1 tells us, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”

 That means even when you give up a Saturday with friends to baby-sit, the money you make is only given to you because God chose to give it to you and not because you worked for it. Realizing this will make you more grateful for twenty bucks, instead of grumbling that you should have made thirty-five. God has given us opportunities to make money and we should be grateful for them. After all, that baby-sitting job could have easily been given to someone else.

So out of your grateful heart, you should want to give something back to God as an expression of thanks for all He has given you. In the Old Testament this was referred to as a tithe (Leviticus 27:30) meaning “one tenth.” One tenth of everything the Israelites made was given back to God. It was a requirement. The tithe was seen as “belonging to God.” And no one wanted to steal from God. So they did it. And you should too.

Not because you have to, but because you want to thank God for all He has given you. Most churches have offering boxes or offering plates. This is so everyone can give their tithe to the Lord and thank Him for all He has given them. Sponsoring a child or supporting missionaries are also ways of giving back to God.

You may wonder why you need to give ten percent back to God if He gave one hundred percent to you—I mean, why didn’t He just take ten percent off the top and give you ninety? From God’s perspective, your giving isn’t just about His getting. It’s about teaching you to be grateful for all you have.

2 Corinthians 9:7 tells us that God “loves a cheerful giver.” We can’t be cheerful givers if we never have the opportunity to give because God takes His cut first. My grandparents tithed faithfully, and God always blessed them abundantly as a result.

(Come back Thursday for more money related tips!)

Are Promise Rings Premature (Part 2)?

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Teenage couple talkingIf you missed Tuesday’s post click here and read it first.

My personal stance is that a promise ring is a waste of time. It’s an unnecessary step on the way to the alter. Until a guy is ready to put an engagement ring on your finger, don’t let him put anything else on your finger.

A promise ring allows a guy who is not in a position to make a real commitment to you to make a lesser commitment and thus a mini-marriage is born. The two of you begin talking about what life will be like when you get married, and what you will name your children. In a way, you begin to play house with no real grasp on how much money it really takes to run a household, how to balance a budget and how quickly college loans can add up.

Most guys I know handed out promise rings claiming, “This is just until I can save up for a real ring.” One guy I knew in college even went door to door in the dorm buildings offering to take out people’s trash for a small donation toward his girlfriend’s engagement ring. If a guy needs to save up for an engagement ring, and doesn’t have a job that will provide him with an income with which he can purchase a ring quickly, you’re in trouble.

A guy who cannot afford an engagement ring will never be able to afford real life. A promise ring is like a glaring reminder that this guy is in no way ready to walk down the aisle. You can choose to be exclusively committed to someone in a dating or courting relationship without a promise ring. And while your ring finger is free from a premature promise it might be a little easier not to begin sentences with “When we get married…”

The promise ring changed everything for Cyndi and Mark. They were no longer dating. They were “pre-engaged.” And as the years wore on and more and more of our friends really got engaged, Cyndi’s finger still boasted the simple silver ring Mark had given her long ago. And the two of them were thrust into a pressure cooker.

Cyndi began to grown insecure when people constantly asked when they were getting married. Mark just grew annoyed. And one day the pressure cooker boiled over spilling the remnants of two broken hearts and one wasted relationship. There were tears and heartache.

Cyndi eventually packed up all of her Mark memories and stored them away in a box. Mark said good-bye and packed his bags and moved somewhere new. And for the first time in four long years both Cyndi and Mark were free to explore who God made them to be outside of the confines of a premature relationship.

When she was twenty-one Cyndi got to do what she had never allowed herself to do at seventeen: explore who God made her to be. Her gifts and talents began to come alive at this point. She joined a small group and made some of the greatest friends ever. For the first time she understood what “girl time” really was and she enjoyed the fact that she didn’t have to check in with a boyfriend if girl time went later than scheduled. My heart danced as I watched her get her master’s degree and land her dream job.

For the first time she got involved in ministry on her own as she began teaching a Sunday school class, and she also started digging deeper in her quiet times with God. Verses rolled freely from her lips, and she seemed far more sympathetic than she had ever been when she talked with people who were hurting.

 Her pain had birthed a new compassion in her. And God’s voice seemed to be clearer to her than it had been in the past. And Cyndi grew into one of the sweetest and most genuine Christians I have ever known. Mark, on the other hand, has played the prodigal son. His relationship with the Lord seems sketchy at best these days. He took his freedom to explore to places he really shouldn’t have, proving to all of us that he and Cyndi really never were meant to be.

 Two weeks from today there is a date circled on my calendar with little hearts drawn next to it. My husband and I are going to Cyndi’s wedding—and Mark is not the groom. Four years after her devastating break-up, and eight years after Mark first slid a thin silver band onto her ring finger, another man—the right one—got down on his knee and proposed. And when Cyndi said yes he slid a beautiful diamond—backed with a genuine and mature promise—onto that very same finger. They set a wedding date for eight months later.  

For a long time after the break-up, Cyndi left Mark’s ring on. She later admitted to me that she feared she might never meet someone else. But there came a time when she was ready to trust God and take it off. And it wasn’t until she was ready to remove the promise ring from the wrong guy that the right guy came along and put a forever ring on her finger.

Are promise rings premature? I think so. My only two friends who ever wore them married someone other than the guys who gave them those rings. Ironically, both of those guys who were “so spiritual” and gave their girlfriends promise rings eventually walked away from the Lord entirely. Because of Cyndi’s experience I never wore a promise ring. Instead, I waited for a guy with a real diamond and a real promise to back it up. And because of that, I don’t have any regrets.

(This article first appeared in BRIO magazine.)

Are Promise Rings Premature (Part 1)?

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

iStock_000001532579XSmallI will never forget my friend Cyndi’s eighteenth birthday party. Her boyfriend, Mark, showed up with a promise ring and a dozen roses. Cyndi was ecstatic and I was jealous.

For the next four years I listened to her talk about their future as if it was both sure and steadfast. Her sentences started with “When Mark and I get married…” and they ended with something resembling happily ever after.

Imagine my shock four years later, post-college, as I sat across from Cyndi in a quaint Thai restaurant as she dropped a bomb on me when I asked my usual, “So how’s Mark?”

“Actually,” she said sipping her water slowly. “We broke up.” Her sentence hung in the air for a good few minutes as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. If Cyndi and Mark were no longer CyndiandMark then my world had just been turned upside down.

“What happened?” My mouth finally formed the words my heart had been screaming for the past few minutes. And for the next several hours I sat silently chewing on mushy noodles and nodding every now and then as Cyndi proceeded to tell me how her dreams fell apart.

 As she spoke I noticed three fatal flaws in their relationship that, if avoided, could have saved them from wasting four years of their lives on the wrong person and from spending the next several years getting over the trauma of it all.

The first thing that stood out to me about Cyndi and Mark’s relationship is how it began. One day we were all just friends hanging out as a group—living, breathing, and eating as a group would be more like it—and the next day there was a couple in our midst. Cyndi and Mark had been secretly pairing off for a months before the rest of us knew about it. Truthfully, when I found out they were dating I was shocked.

And they weren’t just dating, they were seriously dating. In the beginning it was hard to get used to. Mark had instantly gone from being everybody’s brother to being Cyndi’s boyfriend.

Their relationship began in secret. Most things that begin in secret don’t end well. When something is done in secret it is done without the input and godly counsel of others who may be able to see something that those of us who are in a circumstance can’t see.

Now, I’m not sure if any of our friends would have really had any objection to Cyndi and Mark dating. But perhaps our youth pastor, or one of our youth leaders, would have been able to caution them against the intensity with which their relationship began.

Proverbs 11:14 tells us that “in the multitude of counselors there is safety.” That means wise decisions are made by consulting other people—godly people—whom we would allow to speak the truth into our lives. Cyndi and Mark began their relationship without a multitude of counselors. They prayed and sought God together and separately before beginning to date, but they did not seek the counsel of anyone else.

This left plenty of room for their emotions to rule out common sense. And instead of being able to learn from anyone else’s mistakes they had to (painfully) learn from their own.

This isn’t a matter of age or maturity. Emotions can run wild at any age if we don’t do our best to bridle them and keep them in check. I was twenty-two when I met my husband, Michael. We were crazy about each other. I had already graduated from college and started my career, but we still sought counsel from our pastor and parents before we began dating. And as soon as we were dating we were open about it with all who asked. There wasn’t any secrecy involved. I was up front with Michael about it from the start.

“We can’t keep this from people,” I told him. “Even if we think it’s not their business. I don’t want anyone saying we started our relationship in secret.” Michael agreed.   

Cyndi was seventeen and Mark was eighteen when they started dating. What we can all see in hindsight is that Mark never had any right to put a ring on Cyndi’s finger. He wasn’t in a position to back his promise up with actions. He had no intentions of getting married anytime soon. Had they sought a multitude of counselors in the beginning, perhaps someone would have seen that and spoken up…

(Come back Thursday for part 2 of this article.)

Flowerless on Valentine’s Day

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

happy girl

It was my junior year of college and I shared an apartment with two roommates—one who was engaged and the other who was in a serious relationship.

I didn’t even have a viable prospect on the horizon and still wasn’t sure if I’d ever been on a “real” date (those constitute the guy driving and paying, right?).

Valentine’s Day was coming and I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. All week long chocolates and flowers were delivered for my roommates. Their roses brightened up our living room and darkened my heart. I was jealous. Envious. Bitter. When they shared their chocolate with me I didn’t even enjoy the calories. It tasted salty—like the tears I cried when no one else was looking.

By the time Thursday night rolled around I was miserable. I was hosting an all-girls Bible study at my apartment that night and wasn’t sure if I really wanted the company or if I would rather sulk on my own. Although I don’t remember now, I’m sure I grumbled under my breath as I cleaned the living room.

As all of the girls arrived I couldn’t help but notice that Amy was missing. She didn’t come with her roommate, which was unusual. Just as I rounded everyone up to get started there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Amy standing there with two dozen brightly colored roses—one for each girl there that night.

“You may not have a Valentine this year,” she said as she handed us each a rose. “But God sends you flowers each morning as a reminder that He loves you. It’s just up to you to open your window and look around and see them. Don’t lose site of that.”

Her words penetrated to the very core of my being. That night, when Bible study was over, I sobbed an apology to God for my ungrateful heart and bitter spirit. I chose to spend that Valentine’s Day celebrating His love for me. And I kept that vibrant red rose in a glass on my desk as a vivid reminder of my first love.

Oddly enough, it was one year later to the week, that I met my husband. God saw that day coming when all I could see was my roommates and their flowers and candy. I can’t help but wonder if He was looking down on me then thinking, “Don’t pout. Hang on just a little while longer. I have something great for you around the next corner.”

This Valentine’s Day I’m tempted to pout again. Not because I’m without a date (I actually have the hottest date in the world, and I’m married to him) but because something I desperately wanted hasn’t materialized. I’m holding an unrealized dream in my hands and trying not to be disappointed.

I’m sure you have your own unrealized dreams too, and maybe this year it has to do with your dateless status. But even when Amy doesn’t come knocking on my door (or yours) with flowers, God still sends His unwavering love.

This morning I read Ephesians 1:1-6 in my quiet time and here are five truths you can hold onto when your dreams are unfulfilled and your expectations are unmet:

  1. You have a specific calling according to the will of God even if you cannot see it (v.1)
  2. God has blessed you with every spiritual blessing and has allowed you the ability to have a personal and intimate relationship with Him (v.3)
  3. God chose you to be holy and without blame despite whatever you may have done in your past (v.4)
  4. It gives God pleasure to call you His daughter (v. 5)
  5. You are accepted in Christ no matter who else rejects you (v.6).

So, if this Valentine’s Day is shaping up to be a bummer for you, read that passage of Scripture and meditate on the earth shattering truth that you are loved—very, very, loved—even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Want to Be in a Book?

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

happy

I need your help!

I’m working on a new book project and I would like to feature some real life stories of teenage girls who are making a difference for Christ.

If you or someone you know is doing, or has done, any of the following (or something similar) please leave me a comment or send me an email letting me know how I can contact you for more info.

I’m looking for stories about girls doing things like:

Leading Bible studies

Raising money for missions/charity

Sponsoring a child with her own money

Refusing to give in to peer pressure

Going on missions trips

Serving at church

Being a light in a dark place

Making her purity a priority

Leading others to Christ

Speaking up for those who can’t speak up for themselves

Thanks for your help!

The She Seeks SPEAK UP Challenge

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

African children

Today I’m vlogging over at She Seeks about something very near and dear to my heart: speaking up for those who cannot speak up for themselves.

Please follow this link and watch my vlog and consider participating in the challenge and speaking up for those who have no voice.

Today your comments (over at She Seeks not here!) can be converted into cash that will be donated to Compassion International’s Haiti Disaster Relief Fund. You don’t have to give any money, you just have to tell someone else about what Compassion is doing. To learn how click here.

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
       for the rights of all who are destitute.

  Speak up and judge fairly;
       defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

-Proverbs 31:8-9