The end of this summer will mark five happy years of marriage for me. Unfortunately, for some of my friends this is not the case.
While I’ve been busy domesticating myself by doing things like burning my arms while trying to attempt cooking feasts fit for kings, decorating and cleaning a house, and kissing a super cute guy goodnight every night some of my friends have been asking difficult questions, looking to heaven with tear filled eyes and wondering when it’s going to be their turn.
While my heart breaks for them, I can only imagine their pain. I can’t relate to it. By the time I was twenty-three I was married. So, I often keep my mouth shut when the topic of singleness comes up and one of my single friends needs to vent.
If there’s one thing I don’t ever want to be it’s the married friend who offers simple platitudes instead of genuine empathy when it comes to serious matters of the heart. Maybe this is because I was the token single girl in my group of friends during high school and I never want to make anyone else feel the way I felt then.
So, for the last five years, I have kept my feet from treading on the holy territory of my friends broken hearts. I’ve listened with patience and cried with them, but I have not opened my mouth to offer trite sayings or even advice. Aside from the rare occasions where I was actually asked for such input, I have succeeded in avoiding topics where I felt like my two cents didn’t belong.
Until (you knew that was coming didn’t you?) I found myself in Starbucks a few weeks ago talking with a new friend who is exactly my age, in a similar profession and desperately wishing she was married. I quietly sipped my chai latte and watched the summer rain fall outside as I listened intently not just to her words but to her heart.
Something in the soul of this friend needed to be encouraged and without even realizing it I found myself offering a small piece of advice from my experience. She looked at me wide eyed almost like I’d slapped her.
“I’m so sorry,” I quickly began to back pedal. “Married Girl should shut up. I know.” Inwardly I chided myself for my lack of sensitivity.
“No, no,” she went on. “That is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing that with me. I don’t feel alone anymore.”
Now it was my turn to look at her wide eyed.
Had I been keeping my mouth shut when I had encouraging words to offer for the past five years? Was I missing out on an opportunity to minister to other people because I was afraid it wasn’t my place to speak up?
These thoughts honestly hadn’t crossed my mind. James 1:19 admonishes us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, and I think there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in not always having something to say. But there are also times when we are to share a little piece of our stories with someone even if our circumstances look completely different than theirs.
2 Corinthians 1:4 says God comforts us so we can comfort others. Is there a piece of your story that could offer comfort to someone else? Have you been holding it back out of fear of feeling unqualified?
Be on the lookout for people who may need the words God gave you to share. Even if their lives look completely different than yours step forward in faith and share them anyway. You never know the difference it will make.
Do you have a story about how you have encouraged (or been encouraged by) an unlikely person? If so, I’d love to hear about it.
Tags: encouraging others, feeling insecure, listening to others
Shannon, this is amazing. My roommate at She Speaks was encouraging me in the same manner just the other night. I was sharing a situation with her and said, “This is what I was told… and this is what I didn’t say…” After I had finished pouring out my heart to her, she blinked once and said, “Yeah, you need to speak.” It was so encouraging to hear her say that I did have something worth saying. I did have a message people needed to hear.
I had someone encourage me not to give up on something last week and Im so thankful that!
I think I need to spend more time listening to Gods whispers to step out of ny comfort zone and say something or send a message when I would normally shy away bc I’m afraid they’ll think what I have to say is useless or doesn’t matter!
Rebekah: You are a gifted communicator. God has given you many words to say. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m so glad this post encouraged you
I LOVED meeting you over the weekend.
Tonya: Your words are NOT useless. And they do matter. In fact, God has used your comments on the blog to encourage me many times. God is using you, girl. Believe Him.
Thanks, Shannon!
Wow, Shannon, something I was learning just today! I have a friend who is going through a similiar situation as me
and I was really REAL with her today. We are friends but we became even better friends today because I refused to don my “happy face” when she asked me how I was and I really listened when she answered my question of how she was! Because I didn’t slap a smiley face sticker on either of our situations and was heartbreakingly honest about the doubts and fears I am struggling with, I deepened a relationship and came away with a lighter heart. Thanks, Shannon, for encouraging me to speak up and share, despite my discomfort!
Shannon, it is so hard to find the balance between silence and speaking out! I usually opt for speaking, I don’t want the person to leave without some words of encouragement, and honestly I usually get positive feedback, but I usually leave wondering if I said what Jesus would have said. Should I have left the encouragement to God? Did He want to use this problem to draw this person to seek His advice instead? Did I give the right advice or did I just follow my instinct? Did I only speak to the symptoms, or to the heart of the issue?
Too often, I think I am way to quick to speak and quite hard of hearing.
James 1:19 is one of the most powerful verses (in my opinion) in the Bible. It is very much one of my favourites and I try to live that verse out in my day to day life.
I think that oftentimes it can be difficult to decipher whether it is God telling us to say something or if it is our own desire to say something. We need to be able to discern between the two and encourage, using God’s discretion, words, and guidance.
I truly loved this post, Shannon. Thank you!
One of the better blogs We’ve noticed to date as we speak, Lets hope you can be posting much more of computer. I will examine yet again daily to determine improvements.