Sometimes life is like an awkward dance.
Right now I’m in a season of life that’s full of blossoming new friendships. In the last several months I’ve met some really great people. The kind of people I’ve been praying into my life for years.
While there’s something new and exciting about friendships in the beginning stages, there is also something unfamiliar. There’s a learning phase that comes with any new friendship.
Sometimes that learning is messy.
The joke that goes over like a lead balloon because someone doesn’t get your humor
A misunderstanding that occurs over a short text message
An email that goes unanswered for days due to busyness and nothing more
Words that were meant to encourage that somehow sliced open an old wound instead
Occasionally I walk away from conversations and wonder: Did that person get a good glimpse of who I really am?
That’s a hard question to answer. We are quirky people. And every one of us comes with a personal history that helps us understand why we do and say the things we do.
Unfortunately (or is it fortunately?) newcomers don’t get the file full of our history. They can’t read our actions and hear our words in the way people who have lived some of that history with us can.
So we bumble and bump our way through new relationships hoping that grace will cover our flaws and at the end of the day our new friends will still pick us.
There is something risky about friendship. Putting yourself out there again and again can be tiresome. Inviting new people into the authentic places of your life isn’t natural. It takes work.
The longer you live the more work it takes because the sacred places of your heart have been trampled by people you once welcomed with the same gusto and hope you now extend to those who have just entered your life.
Forgiving people in your past becomes the key to unlocking new friendships in the present. Realizing that you are an imperfect person who also needs forgiveness is what gives you permission to forge ahead into the messiness of new relationships.
These friendships are difficult to navigate because they come with a high level of expectation. This time we’re hoping that maybe—just maybe—we can be perfect. We’re often hoping the same of another person too.
When we get bummed, and our toes get stepped on, or we unintentionally elbow somebody dancing along right next to us, the dream of being perfect comes crashing down around us.
The romance of new friendship is lost.
But the familiar rhythms of doing life with somebody who really knows you begin to set in. New friendship evolves into true friendship.
And suddenly the dance doesn’t seem so awkward after all.
Tags: friends, Friendship, making new friends
Lovely post!
Ahh, I know exactly what you mean! Especially these days, with so much electronic communication, friendships get strained merely through misunderstandings. When you see a sentence in text it can appear so much different than you really meant it, simply because there is no way to insert tone into text! Voices soften words.
Thank you for this reminder not to Voices soften words; the tone you say words in can turn the whole meaning upside down! give up on other peoples’ awkward dances or my own!
Shannon, do you have any advice on how to let go of a friendship that needs to be let go of without hurting the other person? This post is awesome bc most of the friendship I’m talking about is online, but its becoming toxic.
I quite like this post! Very fresh and fun, yet relevant!
Wow! I’m really feeling the same thing right now. I just started at a new university & everything and everyone are new! Thanks for the reminder that everyone is quirky and communication is sometimes misunderstood!
I’m so glad so many of you are encouraged by this post.
Savannah: You’re question is a good one. The rules are a bit different when it comes to online relationships. How you approach it also depends on what you mean by toxic. If you send me an email with more specifics for your situation I can try to help.
Shannon, I just want though a really hurtful friendship and now even though I’m not around this hurtful, hateful girl I’m having a hard time fogiving and forgetting what happed. I’ve been really lonly too. Your post was great!! If you have any thing els to say about forgivness I’m more then happy to hear.
Great post! Really good insight. Friends can always be there in difficult times and make life more meaningful. Thanks for your post. I recently stumbled upon this blog like I stumbled upon yours. I think they offer some good points and laughter about the topic: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2010/01/21/a-friend-indeed/
Thanks for the post! I’d like to see more like it.
Hey there, Awesome site. First time here, and looking to start web blogging for myself.
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