Archive for the ‘Doubt’ Category

When Someone Else Gets What You Want

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

Sadness

Disappointment stinks. Rejection hurts. There’s something unsettling about knowing that somebody was chosen and it wasn’t you.

Yesterday I got an email from a friend who was just turned down by a publisher she dreamed of working with. It stung. As I read her email I felt her pain. She got an answer I heard last month: I’m sorry but we just signed a competing work. What you are writing is too close to something we already have.

Technically that’s code for: Someone else already wrote it—better and faster.

Instead of railing against the publisher in her email my friend asked me how I handle rejection and how I get rid of the nagging feeling of competition that comes when I find out somebody else got the contract for the book I wanted to write.

This is what I told her:

1) God is the ultimate authority. That means God is giving and withholding book contracts in ways that fit best with His overall plans. Even when I feel like an editor rejected me or another author stole my thunder, I have to remember God is ultimately in control and His ways aren’t my ways and His thoughts aren’t my thoughts (Is. 55:8). It’s not my place to question His authority and I know His plans for me are good (Jer. 29:11). In the grand scheme of things I’ve found there are opportunities I shouldn’t have ever had that were given to me and opportunities I thought I deserved that were withheld. Only God knows His reasoning behind those things. Trust Him even when you don’t understand.  

2) Second Corinthians 9:8 says that in all things and at all times God has supplied me with everything I need to fulfill the good works He has assigned to me. No book contract? Then I don’t need one at the moment to fulfill the good works assigned for me right now. So, I take my eyes off the situation and begin to look around for what God has currently equipped me to do. Many times it’s through doing other things that new book ideas come and I’m able to replace a dead proposal with a new one.

These answers might frustrate you the same way they sometimes irritate me. But that doesn’t make them any less true.

God has given you everything you need to do His will in this moment. If He’s withholding something—or someone—you think it vital to your wellbeing you are mistaken. He has His reasons. They are for your good. Someday He may tell you.

But then again, He might not.

So, decide to trust Him anyway. Look at what He has currently given you. Not at what He hasn’t. Thank Him for whatever it is, however small it may be. Then do something for Him with it.

Do what you can even if you can’t do what you dream of. That’s always a step in the right direction.

Broken Dreams

Thursday, August 26th, 2010

Woman Playing Guitar

What do you do with broken dreams?

I’ve often asked myself that question—especially when I’m picking up the shattered shards of a dream that has fallen apart.

A few weeks ago, I polled my Facebook audience and asked them what topics they would like to see me write about. One theme kept recurring. Although it was worded a little differently each time, it always sounded something like this:

How do I keep going when my dreams look impossible and it would be easier to give up?

Last week, when I was in Bogota, Colombia with Compassion International, I found myself seated at dinner next to a popular recording artist who was also on the trip. We started talking about our careers and how we got started and before I knew it I was completely wrapped up in her story.

Years ago, she had signed a deal with Sony. She was on her way to the top on fast-forward. But it wasn’t long before she hit a snag. A dishonest producer and a messy lawsuit resulted in her being dropped from her label. Nobody wanted to touch her after that.

So, she packed up her bags and moved home. For years she worked from 9 to 5 and played local shows on the weekends. Every morning she woke up to the reality that life was not what she thought it would be.

Eventually, living that way crushed her spirit. In tears she found herself crying out to God asking Him to take her passion for music away if He didn’t have plans to use it. That night, for the first time, she felt free.

Within days a new door opened. It wasn’t a record deal or a promise of fame. But it was a connection. That one connection led to another connection that led to another connection until this woman was given an opportunity to pursue music again and move back to Nashville.

But first she had a house to sell.

In a miraculous turn of events, the house was sold within two weeks and there were no remaining obstacles for her return to music. And she’s been steadily climbing the charts ever since.

“I’m older than I thought I’d be when all of this happened,” she said. “It looks different than I thought it would. But I can’t believe the places God has taken me with my music.”

She looked around the restaurant at the rest of our team and the Compassion staff.

“For instance, I never thought I’d be here.” She paused. “During that time I learned that a dream delayed is not a dream denied.”

There is often a misperception that leads people to believe that those of us who have recorded an album, written a book or performed in front of a large crowd don’t struggle. Many people believe that doing something once, twice (or even ten times) means you have arrived.

I know better. Those of us who make careers out of things that other people only dream about understand that sometimes it seems like the bad days outweigh the good. We’ve cried into our pillows on more nights than we care to remember. And we’ve had to sweep up the pieces of our shattered dreams and our broken hearts.

Pursuing your dreams is risky business. It never quite plays out the way it does in your head. There are ups and downs and moments of utter despair. Yet, somehow it’s the low moments that prepare you for the high ones. It’s the brokenness that lays the foundation for success. It’s not seeing your dream fully realized that drives you to keep trying until you do.

If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand about those who succeed when it comes to pursuing their dreams it is this:

Success doesn’t always come in direct proportion to your measure of talent. Sometimes, success comes to those with the fiercest determination to never give up.

So, put your actions behind your faith today and take one step—one single step—in the direction of your dreams.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

She Seeks: What if I Don’t Believe Anymore?

Monday, November 16th, 2009

SadnessI stood next to the others with my head bowed low. No, I wasn’t praying. I was refusing to look up at the people worshiping with their hands lifted high. A few had tears streaming down their faces. Their gratitude was immeasurable, their adoration sincere.

Me? I was angry at God for not coming through in my darkest hour. I was questioning His authority in light of the desperate circumstances surrounding my life. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if there even was a God on the other side of my prayers.

This season of doubt came not before I was a Christian, but after I had walked with God for years and had even been serving in vocational ministry.

I sobbed into the carpet in the privacy of my bedroom. I beat my fist against tables demanding answers. In a way, I did whatever I could to provoke a response from the silent God. I was convinced I was the only one left in the relationship He and I used to have…

(To read the rest of this post click on over to She Seeks where I’m the featured writer for the week.)

Faith It Until You Feel It

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Enjoying the sun

“Faith it until you feel it.”

Now, before you quickly shut your browser or click away from my blog because you think I’m selling a useless brand of Christian fluff let me explain why that statement by my pastor is actually full of sound biblical advice.

He used that statement in the context of worship. He was preaching out of Psalm 100 and he was exploring the exorbitant display of worship that the psalmist was calling all of us to.

I don’t know about you, but things like shouting for joy, possessing gladness, singing joyful songs and offering prayers of thanksgiving can be difficult for me when life gets hard, my way grows dark and God doesn’t do what I want Him too. It’s much easier to shuffle into church, put my head down and mumble my way through the songs.

Or, if my heart has been really sliced and diced recently I might not even sing at all. During some seasons it’s all I can do to get to church and sitting in broken silence is the best I can offer.

That’s not the correct response to being in the presence of the one true God. When we examine who God really is (the creator of the universe) and what He has done for us (forgiven us of our sins even though we keep sinning, and provided salvation to us) the correct response is a hands raised, voices elevated worship fest.

But we are a fickle people and when we don’t feel like worshipping excessively we don’t. We reserve those moments of overflowing adoration for times when our senses are heightened and our emotions are overwhelmed.

Psalm 100 isn’t a suggestion for how to worship on our best days. It’s a command to worship God fully every day. That’s where the aforementioned controversial statement comes in.

Faith it until you feel it.

That means you worship the Lord for who the Bible says He is even when your circumstances cloud your perspective and He doesn’t seem like He’s coming through for you. When healing is withheld from a loved one, you can worship Him as the healer even though you don’t feel like He is.

If money is tight and you are worried about paying your next bill you can still praise Him for being your provider because that’s what the Bible says He is. You can raise your hands to God Almighty even when you are facing the biggest defeat of your life because that’s the name the Bible gives Him.

Ephesians 2:8 says we are saved by grace through faith not by grace through feelings. So when you are broken and your life is hard you may need to apply the “faith it until you feel it” mentality to your worship. Praise God for who He is and not just who you perceive Him to be in that moment.

Your tragedy, your trial, will not last forever. One day there will be a breakthrough. Then you will feel joy again. Worshiping with hands raised and your voice lifted up will come naturally. But until then, worship God lavishly through faith.

Not because you feel like it. But because it’s what He deserves.

Lessons from a Slow Boiling Cup of Tea

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

girlwithtea

I was cold. It was early and I knew that a cup of tea would be just the thing to warm me up. So I put the kettle on and stood there waiting for the water to boil.

I waited and waited. It seemed to be taking so long that I examined the clock to see if something was wrong with it. The minutes were ticking away but my water wasn’t boiling. Finally, in exasperation, I ventured back upstairs to get my slippers. That’s when I heard it. My kettle was whistling. The water was finally ready.

As I sipped my tea I began to think about a circumstance in my life that I was waiting to see change. For over a year I had been expectantly waiting on God to move in this area and He hadn’t. And with each passing week I was becoming more and more agitated.

Just as I was staring at the tea kettle waiting for the water to boil, I had been staring at my circumstance waiting for it to change. It quickly became an all consuming passion. I lived and breathed to see the outcome I wanted. Certainly, this change would glorify God. So what was He waiting for? Why would He deny me of something that would bring Him much glory?

Through his current sermon series my pastor was able to walk me through some truths I desperately needed to be reminded of:

  •  •Everything God does is for His glory
  • • I know God works all things together for my good

As I began to process these truths I began to realize that if everything God did was for His glory then when He looked at my circumstance and my future He saw that greater glory could come from either a delay in what I was asking or through an entirely different plan altogether. Knowing that helped me see this delay of action in a different light.

Recognizing that God ultimately has my best interest at heart (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11) also helped me reevaluate my circumstance too. Getting what I wanted now (and maybe even ever—that part still remains to be seen) obviously isn’t good for me, or God would have moved in and taken action by now. So, really His failure to act is His way of protecting me from danger, going down the wrong path or settling for second best.

He can see my calendar six months from now. I can’t. He can see my calendar six years from now. I can’t. Because God has the ability to see into the future and recognize the struggles, triumphs, dangers and victories that await me He knows exactly what to schedule into my life and when.

That’s a hard truth for a control freak like me. It’s not easy to come to terms with the fact that staring at the tea kettle isn’t going to make it boil any faster. Water boils at its own speed. God moves on His own clock.

So on a day like today when there are many things I don’t understand about God and the mystery of His ways, I’m going to choose to rely on the things I do know: God loves me and His plans for me are good.

And now I’m going to make another cup of tea—at whatever speed the water chooses to boil.

Fan Mail Friday: God, emotions and overcoming shyness

Friday, September 25th, 2009

Here’s the September edition of Fan Mail Friday–I finally figured out how to get rid of the nagging popping sound (and I did it on accident too)!  If you are reading this via RSS feed click right here to view the actual video.

If you have a question that you would like to see me answer in a future edition of Fan Mail Friday send your questions to fanmailfriday AT beingagirlbooks.com (replace AT with @–you know the drill).

Happy Friday and thanks for watching :)

P.S. If you enjoyed this video I would love for you to rate it on my You Tube page or share it with your friends.

When Your Friends Stop Believing

Friday, September 18th, 2009

iStock_000002439379XSmall

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has been talked into going somewhere with a friend that I probably wouldn’t have gone on my own.

Last weekend my husband and I wound up at the symphony with two of our good friends. Don’t get me wrong. I like classical music. But I don’t love it. Hearing it live is probably not something I would have suggested we do on a Saturday night. But we wanted to see our friends and that is what they wanted to do, so we went. And we had a good time.

Sometimes going with the flow is good in relationships. I’ve sat through more than a few movies that weren’t my favorite. But there are times that going with the flow isn’t a wise choice—especially when your friends begin to doubt God’s existence and slowly lead you away from a faith that was once rock solid (or seemed like it anyway).

I get emails all the time from girls who used to believe—and “still might”—but now their friends don’t believe in God anymore so they just aren’t sure. It’s especially troubling for a girl when the person who no longer believes played a pivotal role in helping her establish her own faith.

When I was in high school my youth pastor’s wife had an affair with the dad of some students in our youth group. My husband’s youth pastor was removed from his later post as a senior pastor due to an undisclosed scandal involving some teenage girls. You don’t have to convince me about how traumatizing it can be when someone you once respected leaves the faith or makes a huge mistake. I know it’s devastating. And it creates questions.

This is why knowing what you believe is so important. Barna Research states that 80% of churchgoing teens leave the Christian faith by their 29th birthdays. If that’s true, I would surmise that the majority of churchgoing teens don’t know what they believe, which makes it easy to stop believing later on. You need to learn what the Bible says, but you also need to see it at work in your life.

I can’t provide all of the answers here for you on the blog (although I try to help you work through things in bite sized chunks). So I want to suggest a few things that will help you stand firm when friends and leaders waiver:

•Get plugged in with a small group this fall. If you don’t have a youth group you are part of, email me and let me know where you live and I will help you find one.

Sign up for my FREE email newsletter. Although it provides a host of features, one of my favorite things about it is the Bible Bites column where I give you one verse to read each day and three questions to ask yourself that will help you apply and remember it.

•Use an actual Bible study in your quiet time. There are tons out there. But you might be interested in my True Life Bible study series. Each book centers on the life of a biblical teenage girl: Leah, Hagar or Miriam. This series aims to teach you how to apply the Bible to the daily drama of real life.

•Read one of the following books: Experiencing God: Youth Edition, The Case for Christ: Youth Edition, Do Hard Things

It’s one thing to follow a friend to a movie or concert that might not be your taste. It’s another thing to leave a God who loves you just because someone else leaves Him. Experience God in relationship and know what you believe and why.

“God Doesn’t Answer My Prayers”

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

womaninprayer

Have you talked to someone and noticed they weren’t listening? I hate that—especially when what I am saying is important. Nothing makes you feel worse than the indication that your cares are not significant.

Sometimes we feel that way about God. Recently I’ve received a handful of emails or Facebook messages from those of you who feel like your prayers are bouncing off the walls of heaven. God doesn’t listen, you think. God doesn’t care. Then you begin to wonder if He’s even real.

I’ve had my own unanswered prayers. Some I’m grateful for—like the fact I didn’t marry the guy I had a crush on when I was fifteen. Others still break my heart—like the time God didn’t heal my grandpa when he was dying.

In the emails I receive from girls I’ve noticed a pattern. Many of you pull out a verse and use it like a trump card. Jesus says in Matthew 18:19, “Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.”

Then you cross your arms in defiance and say, “I had all of my friends praying with me about this and God didn’t answer. So He must not be real.”

Now, what you are trying to do here is good. You are looking in the Bible to see what God says He will do and you’re holding Him to it (just like we talked about on Monday). Great. But there is a problem.

In most books of the Bible (Proverbs excluded) you cannot just pick one verse without consulting the verses around it and assume you know what it means. Context is everything—it’s true in all written correspondence and even in our speech. I once had a girl write to me to say my book Being a Girl Who Loves inspired her to stay in an abusive relationship because it would give her an opportunity to be more loving.

When I read that I couldn’t respond fast enough to tell her that was not the best conclusion to draw. I then encouraged her to love the person by leaving him and reporting him so he could get help. Imagine if she never wrote to me and kept getting beat up thinking it was what Jesus wanted her to do! The thought makes me sick.

We always need to read in context. Matthew 18:19 is couched between verses on church discipline and how the leadership should handle a member of the church living in habitual sin. They need to pray and come to an agreement on how to proceed. As they do God will be with them and do as they ask.

Unfortunately that verse isn’t a free pass to ask for anything we want and get it. If it was there would be far more millionaires and no more starving people. People would probably never die either. A world where everyone could pray for whatever they wanted and get it would be impossible too since someone’s prayers would most likely contradict someone else’s.

So you can’t call God a liar or non-existent because He doesn’t answer every prayer the way you want Him too. But you should still pray. Why? God invites us to.

Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

What’s the point?

Oswald Chambers says it best: “Our ordinary views of prayer are not found in the New Testament. We look upon prayer as a means for getting something for ourselves; the Bible’s idea of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself.”

Get to know God. Pray. And trust Him to answer in the best way possible.

God on Trial

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Courtroom detailA few months ago I had jury duty. I sat in a courtroom with 100 potential jurors as a young man sat behind a table with his attorney and we were interviewed.

They were picky because the charge was murder and the penalty would be steep.

That young man had one trial to determine whether he did or didn’t kill someone. What if the evidence brought against him was mistakenly from someone else’s trial? Imagine if an innocent man was locked up because a prosecutor brought forth a bloody knife used for a different crime. That man would be deemed a murderer due to evidence that wasn’t evidence at all.

Now, that (hopefully) doesn’t happen in America’s courtrooms. But it often happens in America’s churches. People put God on trial and claim He doesn’t exist by holding Him to promises He never made.

Typically, the teen girls who write to me with doubts about God can point to a reason why: the divorce of their parents, abuse, the death of a loved one, etc…

“If God was good, if He was real, He wouldn’t allow that to happen to me,” they write in frustration. Their hurts are real. And in many cases, their anger is valid. But their argument that if God were real, life would be pain free isn’t a well-founded one.  

This is why knowing what you are looking for is important. What these girls are saying is that they are looking for a god who takes away pain and only passes out blessings. Great! Wouldn’t we all love a god like that?

The problem is, the God of the Bible never promised to make life perfect. In fact, Jesus Himself said, “In this world you will have trouble…” (John 16:33).

So, you can’t use pain to prove God doesn’t exist since He never promised to remove pain from our lives. If you are looking for a god who makes life all sunshine and roses, you aren’t looking for the God of the Bible.

If you want to know whether the God of the Bible exists, then you have to look at what He promises to do. He sets the standard you can measure Him against.

What does the God of the Bible promise us?

  • His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11)
  • He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28)
  • Nothing can separate you from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)

Can you look back over your life and see any good? Did you survive a dramatic attack that should have killed you? Do you have at least one parent who still loves you after a divorce? Is there a part of you crying out to God even though something awful happened? Is there still a desire to believe if His existence can be proven?

Those are good things. Glimmers of hope in the midst of tragedy. Small proofs that God is Who He says He is.

Have your bad experiences led you anywhere good? Maybe your parents got divorced, but now your alcoholic dad can no longer beat you or your mom when he is drunk. You are in a place of brokenness, but you are in a place of safety.

If you are going to call the God of the universe into question, and force Him to stand trial over whether or not He exists, you need to make sure the evidence you hold against Him is accurate. You cannot base His existence on whether or not He gives you everything you want. The only thing you can hold Him to is whether or not He provides you with everything He has promised.

Know Who you are looking for.

Doubting God in Tragedy

Friday, September 11th, 2009

gravesite

Several years ago I sat at the breakfast table at a camp where I was speaking. The girl next to me didn’t want to talk. But she kept staring at me.

Do I have something on my face? Does she hate my book and not want to tell me? My mind raced.

That afternoon I taught my workshop and noticed my breakfast friend sitting in the crowd. She made me nervous—especially when she walked out in the middle. Later that evening she came to my book table in a blubbering mess.

“My sister loved your book,” she said. “She was killed in a car accident while she was looking for her ringing cell phone. Your book—underlined and highlighted—was the last thing she read. She was living for the Audience of One when she died.”

I took a slow breath as I let the words sink in. She wasn’t done.

“I left the church and was living as far from God as I could,” she said, her voice still shaky. “But they read from your book and my sister’s journal at her funeral, and I saw that God was real to her. And I wanted that for me. I’m back in church now. I’ve changed my life. I want to dance for the Audience of One too.”

By this time my face was wet with tears. I managed to choke out a question about how long it had been since she lost her sister. Four months. In the midst of still fresh pain this girl was clawing her way through the darkness desperately seeking God.

Why do some people find God in tragedy while others leave Him? I still wrestle with this question, but I think I’m beginning to grasp the answer. Tragedy either clarifies or clouds what we are looking for God to be. Those of us who know what we are looking for see Him. The rest of us don’t.

What do I mean by that? If your tragedy is that you have a dad who left your family, or abused you, or is still around but ignores you, then the aspect of God you are crying out for is Abba—the Father nature of God (Gal. 4:6).

But if you don’t recognize that you are looking for God to be a Father to you, you can easily look at your circumstances and think God must surely not be real if He let your dad betray you. Instead of looking for God to meet your need, you’ve expected Him to fix your problem. That doesn’t always happen.

The girl I met at that camp still had a dead sister—but she found a living God. Her problem wasn’t fixed, but her need for a healer was met as God gave her the strength she needed each day to go on.

On Monday I’ll write more about how to identify what it is you are looking for God to be. But first let me make a few things clear: there is only one God, although He gives Himself many names in Scripture. I also want to point out that we are all in need of a Savior. We are separated from God due to sin and Christ is the only way we can bridge that chasm.

But sometimes our perspective is off. We can’t always see our need for a Savior because we don’t understand sin and the gap it creates. But we can see other broken areas of our lives and claim God isn’t fixing them. So we choose not to believe in Him.

God is real. Life is hard. Many times it is when life is hardest that we can see God most clearly—if we know how to look. Next week we’ll talk about how to do just that.