A few years ago I met Sarah, an eighth grader, with an anger problem. She came up to me after I spoke at a girls’ event and began to talk to me about how she was getting in trouble at school for acting out against others who teased her.
She didn’t live far from me and asked if we could meet on a weekly basis to help her conquer her problem. I agreed, not knowing what to expect. She was a cute girl, up on many of the latest trends. And I wondered what could be making her so unhappy.
The first time we got together I had Sarah tell me about her life to see if I could pick up any hints about what was really causing this anger. Were the jealous and mean kids at school her only problem, or was there a deeper issue? Sometimes our insecurities and past experiences affect us in such a way that even the slightest jealous taunting from another girl will drive us over the edge.
That was the case with Sarah. Abandoned at an early age, Sarah grew up being raised by parents she knew really weren’t her own. She had faced such a severe rejection early in life that even the slightest bit of rejection from the jealous popular crowd was too much to bear.
At the hint of a mean comment, Sarah’s eyes would well up with tears and she would either break down or explode. She found exploding to be less embarrassing, but she had finally reached a point where she wanted to be free from both reactions. I encouraged her to do two things: process her pain (the real reason behind it all) and move on (by finding a new group to associate with at school). And you know what? This two-fold method worked for Sarah. A month later her anger was subsiding, and she was making new friends. But it wasn’t as simple as it sounds.
We all have deeper issues buried somewhere down inside. In the end, an attack by a jealous girl is not what really bothers us. It’s something much deeper. The insecurities that are usually triggered by a jealous girl’s attack leave us vulnerable, and many times remind us of a time in our past where we were greatly hurt by something far more serious than a jealous comment.
Before we can ever begin to deal with the pain other girls cause us when they are jealous and vicious, we must begin to understand why it is that their comments and actions bother us in the first place. For Sarah, jealousy was hard for her to swallow because she was never trying to make any enemies (and jealousy always makes enemies). She was simply looking for acceptance and a place to belong.
What is it in your past that has affected you in such a way that it reshaped how you see yourself and how you see others? Some girls grow up playing sports. That is what defines them. If a jealous girl attacks them in this area they are prone to freak out, because she is attacking all that they are, or so they think. Others have grown up singing, dancing or in community theatre. When jealous girls begin to attack their performances they crumble, because they have taught themselves to live for applause. To them, one single “boo” drowns out all of the loud clapping.
Perhaps you have an unstable family life, so you seek stability in your friends. When they become jealous of you and treat you badly your whole world falls apart because you lose the only thing constant in your life. It is vitally important that you uncover the issue that is really bothering you before a jealous girl strikes. That way you will be better prepared to combat her attack.
Psalm 56:8 talks about God placing each of your tears in a bottle and keeping a record of them in His book. He’s been keeping track of your hearts and heartaches, so it’s OK to be honest with Him about the pain in your past that is still haunting you today.
Is there something in your past that makes you especially sensitive to the pain caused by jealous girls? Have you allowed yourself to acknowledge your pain so you can begin the healing process? What are some ways you can be honest with God about your pain?
Other posts in this series:
Tomorrow’s Post: It’s Not About the Jealous Girls
